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| Spiderman 3: The Raw Review
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Last weekend was by far my most packed weekend of the year of the bond (007); from the De La Hoya robbery...oops I mean fight, to the NBA playoffs,...and we can’t forget the Mifflin Block party...(Seriously WI, y’all know how to party). And finally to the now 3 year old Michael jr’s Birthday party in Oregon. One might think that after all the jacks & cokes, the Beers & the Chickens I had Friday, Saturday & Sunday, that I’d chill out Sunday night, to get ready for work on Monday. Yeah right, I was built different, I’ll rest when I die, till then, I had to go to the movies, I promised my homey P-Killa my review of Spiderman 3 by Tuesday.
Anyways, here’s the deal:
Sam Raimi is not one of my favorite directors ever! But Horror films are my favorite genre and that boy Sam blew the hinges off the frame back in the early ’80’s with his “Evil Dead” trilogy (”Evil Dead”, Evil Dead 2″ and “Army Of Darkness”). All of the flicks starred his homie "slash" weed carrier Bruce Campbell who for some reason Raimi has continued to use in almost every one of his films. We even get another classic cameo by Bruce Campbell as a French restaurant manager in Spiderman 3 (he played the wrestling announcer in #1 and the snotty theatre usher in #2). A few years later (1990), Raimi Barry Bonds (w/out the HGH) another one out the park with his first foray into the action adventure genre with his instant classic “Darkman”. Every cat in my hood was raving about how gully & grimey Darkman was.... Yo, if you haven’t peeped any of the above-mentioned flicks, do yourself a favor and Netflix ‘em or go kill yourself.
Fast forward to 2002 when dude gets a chance to direct the film version of everyone’s favorite comic book character ever, “Spiderman”....but let’s just remind y’all my favorite superhero of all time is Superman. But the most influential to me has to be a toss up between BLADE and LUKE CAGE, just because they were the 1st black Super heroes. As a life long comic book junky, I ‘ve been consistently disappointed with the legion of horrible comic book movies made over the years as of late. Marvel got it right when they first dropped “Blade” (1998) starring Wesley “Mr. IRS” Snipes and it seemed as if things started looking up with regard to the marriage of Hollywood and Comic book franchises. Anyways, as you all know, Raimi pulled off a classic with Spiderman. So it was right In 2004, the mother fucker had the balls to do one even better with Spiderman 2. I don’t say this lightly, but I emphatically believe that SM 2 is one of the best fucking comic book movie ever made, bar none...(can’t front 300, Superman, X-men, Blade def. got the top spots on lock, but SM2 ain’t far behind)
Before I start dissing “Spiderman 3″, I have to tip my hat to the Spiderman franchise marketing campaign, they had cats all over the globe feening like bobby & Whitney) for a glimpse of Spiderman’s archest enemy of all time: Venom. They did a good job keeping everything under wrap. In addition, the pictures of Peter Parker hanging in the black suit was pure money, so Big ups for that huge Scam,.. Now Question: after all that, was Spiderman 3 the shit? Answer: Spiderman 3 wasn’t the shit, It was actually just plain SHITY.
Pause, don’t… get… it… twisted, I didn’t say Spiderman 3 was whack. But after watching Ghost Riders & 300, and w/ Transformers & Fantastic 4 around the corner, Spiderman 3 could be the biggest disappointment in the world of comic-movies in ’07 & maybe Beyond.
The Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), a staple character villain from the comic book franchise since the ’60’s is captured perfectly both cgi and actor-wise...expect when he starts crying. The new Green Goblin played by James Franco is Portrayed as a knock-off Batman; Rich kid w/ a butler who wants revenge on his Pops killer...c’mon are you serious?... But the action sequences between these villains dudes and Spidey is pure either aka SOME GOOD SHIT!!!!. I Also loved The black costume, which is some organic Blob like substance originating from a fallen meteorite (alien) that eventually finds it’s way (yeah coincidentally) to Peter Parker. It' s a treat to see, especially since Parker is literally transformed from a geeky White Skinny Jean dude to a Fucking OG pimp. I mean Magic Don (biggest pimp in Chicago) or Ice T (pimp cop on Law & Order) had nothing on the new Peter. Seriously Peter Parker becomes a Black Pimp before our eyes,...lol what, with him having mad game with chicks, increased dancing skills (you read that right), an attitude far worse than any Indian cab driver in New York city and can’t forget an improved sense of style and swagger in the form of clothes & persona. For real, Peter Parker becomes DeShawn Jamal Parker. Without giving too much away, when Mary Jane gets a lil’ beside herself, DeShawn Parker even gets to put his hands on her, w/ a crazy pimp slap, all pimplike and proper. All that was missing was quotes from Ike Turner Instead of Uncle Bens. Upon realizing that he’s truly becoming a pimp and might even get tempted to further put a shoe on Mary Jane, just like Ike did to Tina, Parker realizes he’s better off as his true original self. LoL I guess this why Richard Prior always said: “Everybody wanna be a nigga, but nobody wanna be a nigger!” lol. Anyway I personally liked DeShawn Parker, he even pays Harry’s rich ass a visits, and goes’ up side Harry’s head for making moves on MJ. Anyway lets move to Venom. Eddie Brock, an up and coming news photographer played by Topher Grace (I always said he has a fucked up name) who is real envious of Parker’s success as a Daily Bugle photographer and has no problem showing that he has hate all up in his blood. Brock eventually discovers Parker’s alter-ego and in a chain of (once again) coincidental events, gets to wear the black costume. Since Brock is a mad playa hater, the costume literally transforms him into the monster known as Venom. Although it was a visual treat to FINALLY see Venom on screen, his whole presence in this joint way whacker then listening to ant May trying to give Peter life & moral advise.
I also have to agree w/ the Movie Blog Crew, (shout out to John & the Crew) They could have saved dude to be THE sole villain in #4 or He should have had more screen time then all the phone conversations scenes. ...Oh yes, they will be a number four...w/ all the skrilla # 3 made in it’s opening wkend? You know Marvel want to laugh all the way to the bank again w/ 50.
So it’s safe to say that I’m 4 sure bashing this joint, well here My list of further complaints:
Mary Jane Watson: in the comic books MJ is a dime piece, mad cool chick so why Cast Kirsten Dunst? She ain’t fine, she’s not even a penny, and from the jump w/ all her bitchin’ I could see why nobody would want to be her man. I’ll go as far as saying that Kristen is one fug ugly chick Hollywood has to offer.
I also hated the Crying,...Oh boy And this all happens, (not in any order) Harry Osborn gets his ass beat and starts crying like a lil’ bitch., off course Mary Jane starts crying like a lil’ bitch., Aunt May starts crying like a lil’ OLD bitch.. even Sandman starts crying like a lil’ bitch with sand up his drawls, Peter fuckin Parker starts crying like a lil’ bitch etc. There was more crying in this movie then Titanic had, I just couldn’t keep up. For a movie that looked like it was going to be the best fucking action/adventure joint of 007, it ended up being this real melodramatic bitchfest and tear jerker. I had to check myself several times to make sure I didn’t accidentally walk into a viewing of “the Notebook 2”. Plus, since it was a late PM showing, my partner in Crime Dre found herself digging her nails into her thighs and Constantly shaking her pop corn box just in order to keep her self from falling asleep.
As I mentioned, I do believe that there’ll be a fourth installment, but I get the feeling that this is probably Raimi’s last one as the director, which means Bruce Campbell can stick to his mindless commercial appearances. Raimi, It’s like a dude that everyone knows has been with the hottest chick, he sported her, rocked all over her, dissed her and finally leaves her. Spiderman, the film franchise, will always be Raimi’s bitch, but it’s about time he passed it over to someone else...like Diddy did J-Lo. No matter who's she's with, she's yours Homie.
Do I recommend Spiderman 3? surprisingly I do recommend to peep it because it really is a good movie, just expect to be amazed and bored, thrilled and let down at the same time. Something like Jay-Z’s “Kingdom Come” album, not whack, but not exactly living up to the level of dude’s prior classics. All in all, I give it a 6/10, and NO do not attempt to watch it again,...please don’t.
Word is Spiderman is going to be on Broadway soon, so I understand why they used the over dramatic scenes and dance sequence for advertisement purposes. So this how I end this Sam Raimi, you’re dope and all, but please, save the drama for your momma!
Reviewed made Summer 2007 |
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Posted by jchien on 2008-06-24 12:55:01 | Rating: | Views: 43
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