There's definitely no question about the fact that the world has "gone off its rocker". With some of the morons who are in charge of government bureauracies, it's no wonder our planet has a headache. Forget about some of the irrational events happening in countries like Sudan, for example, where children who want to name a teddy bear Muhammed causes a teacher to be arrested, or here in our states where one person, who needs to get a life, complains to his or her motor vehicle department about a license plate that he or she finds annoying, and the department, because of the ONE complaint, recalls the plate.

That's not bad enough - now Santa is in for a beating. "Santas are too fat", declare news programs and newspapers. For cryin' our loud, Santa is supposed to be fat and jolly! To be honest, I don't think I ever heard a kid said that he or she wanted to be fat "just like Santa". Listen, it's bad enough that we have a bunch of overweight (fat) kids sitting around playing their computer games, while their fat parents stuff themselves, and their kids, with junk food galore.

But you have to undertsand what a fat Santa means. A century or so ago, fat was good. A fat person meant that he or she was wealthy, that they could afford to eat well, that they could endulge themselves. Nobody gave a damn about cholesterol - they just wanted to eat and enjoy life.

Santa represented all that was good about being fat. For goodness sake, not only is Santa fat, but he's jolly! What a combination - nothing like being fat and happy, as the saying goes.

So now, we hear and read that Santa should be thin. What nonsense. Hey, it's bad enough that Santa can't touch the child who wants to sit on his lap - he might be a pedophile, for goodness sake! So it's no touching, no eating, no smoking - and hopefully Santa will have the strength for a good ho, ho, ho - but wait, we can't have Santa talking about hos, can we?

I know where there's some good candidates for the job - in your local cemetary...