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| Do You Ever Get Over Your First Love
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Well I first fell in love when I was 15 years old. I started dating my hot, older boyfriend at the end of grade nine, and we ended up staying together for about 3 and a half years. The relationship was hot and cold, more hot in the beginning and frozen cold by the end. We were very different, and I don't think we knew much about eachother for a significant part of our relationship. Well actually, we did know things... but maybe we just didn't ever understand eachother.
I knew that his favourite colour was red, he liked a lot of things when he was younger like hockey, wrestling and music. He still loved music, but had lost interest in most other things including school. He never finished high school and Im still not even sure if he has to this day. I still loved him though, even with the lack of interests he somehow managed to still be an interesting person. I enjoyed talking with him, arguing with him, and just being around him in general. He made me feel safe and happy most of the time, but I think we lost it long before we ended it and we just couldn't get it back. I dont think we had a single thing in common except for our love for one another.
A lot of things got in the way, girls, boys and his drug abuse. Im sure, in fact I know, we both have very different stories about how things went in our relationship because in a way we lived in different worlds. I lived in a world of forgiveness and compassion, and he lived in a world where everyone was out to get him and screw him over- including me. We both shared a blindness to the truth though, which was a huge part of our unsuccess. I couldn't see how far gone he was in his problems, and I stayed with him ignoring the bad. He wouldn't believe anything I said, and never accepted the truth. We were both astray in that sense.
When his drug use became a problem, his behaviour towards me changed greatly. He started to view me as his property and became a very jealous individual. His jealousy was actually very frightening to the point where he would threaten me and others, and even go so far as hurting other people as well. He couldn't accept my love for him, and therefore could not accept that I wanted to be with him and only him. After all of this started happening our relationship was never the same.
He became a person that ,if I had not already loved him, I could never fall for. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, saying the most horrible things I've ever heard come out of a human being's mouth. Things like "I will never be happy until the day you are six feet under the ground", and my personal favourite..get the fuck out of my house before i throw you out by your cunt hairs". I never felt like I deserved to be talked to that way, but I still took it. I took it along with being spat on, shaken to shit, and scared out of my mind of him. I didn't know how to handle it, and so I started to become crazy myself. I never wanted to leave through it all because I always thought it was going to get better. So the worse he got, the worse I got. All in all it was a very unhealthy situation for the both of us.
We broke up for good when I came to university last year and oddly enough I still think about him everyday. He haunts my dreams and it disturbs me that he can still hold such a power over me. Sometimes I think it's because of the old saying you never get over your first love, but I mean what's not to get over. By the end of it there was more hate than love, so how can you still hold on? I've dated other people and I haven't kept an interest in any of them for more than a month. Part of me is afraid that another person will make me feel as bad as my first love, and Im even more terrified that they will make me feel as good. The relationship was very screwed up, and it has screwed me to this day. I'd really like for it to all go away, but I'm not really sure how to make that happen. Do you EVER move on, forgive and forget your first love?
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Posted by jaykaydee on 2007-12-15 16:27:24 | Rating: | Views: 198
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The answer for me is "no", you don't...here I am 30 years later and I still remember so much...the feel, the smell, the taste, the touch...it's all still there.
But you do eventually mend and move on..it just takes time.
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Posted by 2ndchildhood
on 2007-12-15 17:05:43
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My answer is no, I have never really gotten over mine, sometimes I want to be with her(even though she cheated on me) it actually feels like a physical pain... I see her almost every day....stomach gets butterflies, my heart starts beating really fast and I feel like I'm about to die...hell isn't it? But like 2ndchildhood said you eventually move on, and you find out that it made you.....a little smarter and stronger, I guess.
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Posted by robertsterling88
on 2007-12-16 14:29:06
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