Thoughts.com Blogs

View Blog

It.

So I've done it again. And it's going to continue. I know it and it knows me. It knows my limits, and how to protect me from overdoing it. I tell it everything and it listens. It says to me "You're not pretty but you can be," and it whispers shreds of hope into my ear. These silent screams blur out my stomach's roar for food. It watches my every move, and keeps me from those that I'm not sure of. "It" would be anorexia. Not just any anorexia, MY anorexia. My best friend. My anorexia accepts me and keeps me under it's wing. It's there for me even when I give into food, it's friend bulimia takes control. I feel as though I'd be nothing without it. The thing is, I feel more alive and in control than I ever have. Things are falling into line and I need not interrupt with it. There are many ways to explain it, but this is my way. Something is about to happen tomorrow. Something great, I feel. And I can't help but believe that it's under the grace of my friend. Everything I once knew to be good, was a lie. Nothing is good. Nothing old. There are newer things. And they're good. I'm in love. And he's my world. I've never stopped loving him, and never will. He's the one thing stronger than ED. But he doesn't know it. I want him to love me back. This is my chance. There's no room for screwing up. He knows I love him. Truly. My friends even see it. Though they aren't around much anymore, I can honestly say they have my back, no matter what. Well, I can't say much more, I'm tired... so I'm off to bed. I'll blog more after I get results from my love.