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So if your reading this you saw that I am a stay at home mother. I have been for over 3 years now. I have been threw alot in those 3 years. When I first had my daughter I couldn't of been happier. I took pictures everyday, constantly played with her, dressed her up and was estatic to be a mom. Then while pregnant with Dakota I had to get on depression medicine. When I had him I was so excited because he was the sweetest boy ever. I didn't get to really enjoy the first month of him because I had complications after the labor. I feel like now looking back at it something just happened to my spirit of being a mom in that month. I mean I still absolutley loved my children, but day by day I grew farther and farther away from being the perfect mother that I was. Now I feel like I am just one big mess of a mother. I love my children, but I have no patience for them anymore. I am like one raw nerve all the time. It makes me so sick to look back at the mom I once was to who I have become to them now.Let me clarify - I never have hurt my children. So dont worry. I just feel like I am a very overwelmed mother with way too much going on. I have a husband who works two jobs just to get us out of debt which never seems like we are going to get out of. I feel like a single mother half of the time raising my children all day by myself. I dont blame my husband at all. I blame myself for letting myself get this way. So lately I have just realized that I am just not meant to be one of the stay at home moms anymore. Some people are made for that and some aren't. I did what I could do. And I feel like it ends here. I feel like a complete let down to my family, but what can I do. So I am stuck with the decision of staying at home still or going to work full time and putting my children in a daycare. My mind is just going insane trying to figure this all out. I am so overwelmed. I know my children will enjoy being able to go play with other children during the day and coming to a happy mom that has missed them all day. But will I regret it later. Or will I regret never trying to go to work and have time for myself? Ahhh... if only things could just come easily to me. I wished answers were just handed over to you. But it will never be that easy.
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Posted by itsonlylife on 2008-07-01 23:04:20 | Rating: | Views: 34
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