Again i've found myself lonely yet not alone, thinking....thinking....thinking....should i or shouldnt i get rid of all my friends because for some reason i feel like id be better off without the 8 friends that i have....should i or shouldnt sink in my own pity, my depression....my gut wrenching depression that even now i feel slithering inside me....my detatched emotions hovering in the space somewhere between here and my deepest of souls...my heart a empty box...confusion fills me so...shoud i or shouldnt i...end myself, spill my own blood, hang from my own gallows.....ive been trying but it always come back to...to...death. i struggle to see the gray patches where hope and wisdom hides. i dont want to see tomorrow anymore, everything seems so...dispensable,unimportant,unreal.....who am i anymore? an empty shell of the person i almost was. i wish someone would help me understand.....explain to me the reason for living .... my purpose and i will serve it. tell me please...please i dont know anymore. how could i be so filled with knowledge and something that seemingly gives me life yet so empty on emotions, sympathy, empathy. ive lost me somewhere....ive splintered off and got swept away by the wind. i just go....but with who.....everyone hates me now....but i understand....too consumed by my own thoughts to effectively participate in my own life.....too lost in my head....too over analytical...surrounded by people who dont understand. is my poor intuition apparent? can you see the whisp of it thats still there? can you see the shards of me on the floor. stay away from everyone ...hide from the world.i never would wish to be here again. the worst part of living - life itself. i was never cut out for it....somebody end me. im so sorry for coming....if i had control i would never have been in this world. ill throw away those people too blind and selfish to realise...to care...to do something for even though i was smiling  the scars on my wrists were screaming for help. to those that made me feel worst...thank you...thank you for placing me back in the whole im struggling to get out of....for throw me back into my rightful place in the dark...unseen....unheard but bleeding....bleeding away my emotions... my pain...my life. love, you have eluded me....i never loved, dont know the thing. ive never seen love not even in my mother's eyes. where do you hide, love? find me please...i want to feel you before i go. before i die. please be swift for i am weary of people using me for my knowledge....my ideas.

WHAT DO I DO????????WHAT SHOULD I DO??????? *CRIES*  I DONT KNOW ANYMORE....IM TOO CONFUSED TO THINK STRAIGHT THOUGH ITS ALL IEVER DO...HELP ME TURN IT OFF WHAT SHOULD I DO...*BAWLS* PLEASE, please. im tired of feeling this way....even now im asking for help i feel disgusted by myself for even mentioning how i feel to anyone *sighs* why....just tell me that...

thank you