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im feeling so restless.
just when i think i have my head around everything,. i wind up back here feeling sorry for myself and how this sucks.
i found myself this weekend almost bursting out in tears just because there was a seemingly sad sounding song playing on the radio. the sad song would some how trigger me to start thinking about how different life was. how i missed the days where i wished i was where i was now. because now that ive gotten here.. it isnt as much fun as i thought it would be.
and i feel i wasted alot of time.. during those moments..
i wish i had those moments now.
i wish i hadnt hated them so much then.
:( do you ever stop feeling this way?
i just keep thinking of my childhood..my mother.. everything i miss. how everything is so RADICALLY different.
this weekend was the first weekend i spent with my dad sister bro in law alll of us together as a family.. since... i couldnt even rememeber.
i feel all this has me in an imbalance that, i cant even describe.
if someone would have just shown me how hard life was gonna get.. and possibly even more so in the future..
i would have enjoyed more alot of years i took for granted.
and.. its been killing me recently.
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Posted by ineed_peace on 2008-04-04 14:42:49 | Rating: | Views: 111
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I feel/sense similar feelings in myself. I am not sure what to say except...TURN OFF THE SAD MUSIC!:p I rarely allow myself to listen to any song that inspires sadness or bad memories. I insist on only music that pumps me up, gives me energy or even just gets me mad enough to do SOMETHING. But, even then, it may only inspire me to be creative and daydream when I dont have the time in this hectic modern dog-eat-dog world.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-04-04 19:29:22
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brainstormer's comment is easier said then done. There's an irresistable draw to the things that fuel the sadness when we're down in the dumps and feeling sorry for ourselves.
Been suffering very similar things for years at various parts of my cycles.
I've found talking with people I know I only damages relationships.
I think talking with people I don't really know but who really do understand helps me sometimes.
Only sometimes, beacuse each and every time it's different.
Anyway, if you wanta talk I'm here. I too could use some soul out there that understands.
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Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-04-04 20:29:43
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Know something?
you aren't alone.. everyone has their own pity parties once in a while.
Heck.. this week when I was taking a trip with just my girls I had a Country Song on the radio that told a tale of the kids growing up quickly.. I think it was called "Don't Blink". Awesome song.. spoke to my heart.
The thing is? You still have the power to change.. only you can change it. The circumstances can't change but how you look at it can.
Chin up!
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Posted by fshrwmn
on 2008-04-04 20:39:43
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Regrets are a bitch. What works for me is doing my best to make sure today is not a day I will regret 10 years from now. As for sad songs or movies, I'll always love those. They make me feel and feeling is good.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-04-05 08:16:36
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Tony, that is some terrible stuff to say!:P First of all, beating an addiction is as easy as saying "I will."
Second, that is terrible if talking to the ones who are supposed to be your friends ditch you as soon as you have a low tide depression moment. That is exactly what I am afraid of when it comes to connecting with anyone. I dont want my ways to turn people away when it matters most.
Talking about the heavy stuff with some random stranger--like in passing on here--is about as pathetic as it comes. I see my manic coworker--who is torn between the effects of smoking heavily and popping pills to keep some sort of balance--trying to convey to complete strangers how she feels and what she is going through. And, they all look at her and "oh" and "ah" and nod and say "I totally understand, yes". And, she feels a slight good feeling from that when you can clearly tell they just wanted to get away from her before she explodes on them. It's pathetic!! And, tragic.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-04-05 15:45:45
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It's not an addiction. If you even think so you've never been there.
And it's not that anyone ditches you, they all want to help. It's just that their concerns only fans the flames and eventually the conflagration burns everyone. Don't want that. It's ok to burn yourself but not those who care for you.
Yet still there's the uncontrollable need to get it out. That's why there's no one left but strangers.
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Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-04-07 00:25:49
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I'm winding up again which is why I'm back at 2 AM when I gotta be up at 6 (even though I'm off tomorrow (today?) and tuesday) to watch my 2 youngest grandkids while my daughter goes to school.
Just had to add - I can't speak for anyone else but for me but when I'm going down it's easier to admit to a stranger that I'm a blubbering idot who can't get past feeling sorry for myself, ache so much inside I feel I can't go on and have no idea at all what's so bad that makes me feel that way. (On the flip side when I'm cranking up I'm all analytical and understand, or think I do, what's going on).
But back to the original topic - sorrow and tears are not something to be avoided. As long as you can handle and deal with them there's a catharsis in embracing them and working through to the other end.
But if it's out of control then talking to someone who can relate is definitely beneficial. And in my experience only a nuetral 3rd party can really help without being blinded by concern. It's just hard to find that someone.
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Posted by Tony51203
on 2008-04-07 02:18:25
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you have been given some great advice here, good luck to you, and I will pray for you.
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Posted by roe
on 2008-05-04 22:15:41
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