| View Blog
|
|
| What's the big deal about life?
|
|
|
One question has intruded my mind recently:
When life is so easy to make and so easy to take, how come life is so important? If it's such a sin to make it all end, then why is it so damn easy?
I was sitting by the pool in Spain a couple of days ago. Let my feet touch the surface. It was hot as. I had the sun in my face, a cigarette between my fingers, pleasant music in the background and a plate of delicious fruit beside me. Seems like a perfect holiday, doesn't it? But the truth is, I was thinking about why. Why was I in Spain? Why was I at all? Why did I want to go home? Why did I want to stay? What do I want? What do I have? I had no purpose. I hadn't had one for ages.
The thought of being able to just jump into the restless, blue water, and take one deep breath... And I could end it all. There wasn't really anything terrible in my life which made me want it to end, I wanted to end the feeling of nothing. It was worse than feeling upset or angry, much worse, to feel nothing. Maybe jumping into the pool would make me feel alive for a second before it ends. Maybe those who then will realize that I once lived, recover the feeling of being alive.
Simply by breathing and swallowing a bunch of water. So easy.
«When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous.»
«I know what it's like to want to die.
How it hurts to smile.
How you try to fit in but you can't.
How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing inside.»
|
|
Posted by incense on 2008-07-10 19:35:18 | Rating: | Views: 59
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
