I just came home from the party I chose to be the very last party I’d spend with Kyle. But now that I know I should break up with him, it feels like I just can’t. I’m so damn confused. I need help to understand what I should do about him.

The thing is, I’m madly in love. I can’t get him out of my head. It feels like I get these abstinences when I don’t see him for more than 24 hours. I get really depressed and desperate when I go a day without seeing or talking to him. It feels so perfect to be with him. I often wonder if he is the one. Actually I don’t believe in finding “the one”, but it stills seems so wrong to end the relationship when we have such strong feelings for each other. When you feel so strongly about a person, is it right to let them go? Is there a reason I feel like this, does the feeling tell me to keep him? That it’s wrong to leave him. I don’t know.

Well, I’ve already broken up with him once. But I couldn’t keep away. We’re not officially together either. We’re just together every day, acting like a couple. Everyone thinks we are, except it says “single” on both of us on Facebook. It confuses people. But usually we can’t be bothered to explain the situation when they ask how long we’ve been seeing each other. As if we never really broke up.

His deep brown eyes, his charming smile, his funny laugh, his perfect yet imperfect body, his Norwegian/American accent, his way of touching me, his silly tattoo, his pretty eyebrows, his delicious smell, his sexiness when he smokes, his protective attitude among other boys, his passionate kisses, his mysteriousness – will I ever love someone like I love him?

I’m just sixteen years old for Christ’s sake. On the other hand, there aren’t very many sixteen year olds who get to feel this way.

There are a lot of reasons to why I should break up with him though. He stole my parents’ credit card, he’s actually a kleptomaniac. My parents therefore hate him, so now I lie every time I go to see him (and you can imagine how horrible it is to lie to my parents). And he does drugs. And he parties way too much. It makes me so depressed having to lie to my parents all the time. I don’t really think seeing him makes me happy.

So, 3 reasons to break up:
He stole from my parents, he’s been doing it before – he’ll do it again.
I feel bad about lying to my parents; the depression comes back and it makes me unhappy.
I feel weak if I keep a guy who has been doing me so much wrong – will it destroy my self esteem?

And it’s just horrible to think about the faces of my friends if I say we’re back together. “It’s like the wives who always come back to their hitting husbands, the same stupid excuses.”

He makes me so happy, yet so unhappy. I really don’t know what to do.
I decided I would break up with him, but now that the date I’ve set for it comes close, I start doubting again. Does the relationship make me more happy than unhappy, or opposite?