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Shit. I simply can't handle this. I'm sobbing like a baby. It's too much to me.
The day started out really well, heard I'll get a 6 (which is the best possible mark) in science which is going to be there the rest of my life. Which is good.
Then I had to go pick something up at my dad's place. You have no idea how horrible it was. I came there, frightened to how they would interact with me. On top of it, my stepmom's mom was there as well... I felt so bad. Them all together there, me alone. After we've been fighting so much, it's awful being alone around them. And they just pretended everything was fine! Asked me how I was doing at school, telling random stuff about what has happened lately... Oh lord, what a good relationship... Or not. I guess that's what made me so aggressive the rest of the day.
When I got home, I instantly felt how aggressive I was towards mom and my stepdad. I said to them, I'm in a really bad mood today, I don't know why, I don't want any fights, so I'm just going to vanish. So I went to my room and it was fine. Then suddenly my stepdad phones my aunt, and says she could speak with me. I said I couldn't right now (of course due to the very bad mood). He said it was pure politeliness. I simply said I couldn't. But he wouldn't stop. So I started shouting as hell, «I CAN'T TALK ON THE PHONE WITH HER, AND I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE FRIGGIN MOVIES ON FRIDAY». After that they continued yelling and yelling and yelling... for being so rude. I guess I could've handled that much better. And then they started the whole song about how irresponsible I am, how I never participate in the family, never takes any initiative to anything. But I really don't know what to do about it. It's breaking me when they keep telling me how bad I am as a daughter. I still cry, almost an hour after we decided to quit the fight.
AND, it doesn't help at all that Kyle went on Skype, put on webcam, and there he was sitting with two of his best friends, smoking weed. He promised he'd stop, he'd do it for me. Although he asked if it was okay for me this one time only, and I said I couldn't decide what he's supposed to do and not do, but he knows what I think about it. And there he sits – in front of me in the camera, smoking. Fuck, he should've saved me from that, when he knows how much I hate it. That fucker.
So basically this day has been really, really bad. The clock is almost twelve in the night, I still cry, and I'm considering not going to school tomorrow. I've got a presentation though, analyzing a commercial. Language class. Not important, three-years-curriculum.
If I did wag tomorrow, I'd have to spend the day at Kyle's. I don't know if that's going to help at all. Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck them, fuck Kyle, fuck being 16. Fuck weed.
I sure had a lot of tears ready tonight. |
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Posted by incense on 2008-06-03 18:04:24 | Rating: | Views: 146
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hey.. i totally understand the yelling.. when i was 16 life really sucked, then it got better, then it sucked even worse. all i can say is.. ignore it, dont let these things change how strong you are inside.. prove to them how strong you are by not responding to there bullshit.. because youll be 18 before they can blink and hopefully youll start thinking about your free life ahead to replace these bad thoughts they give you so you can do something productive with your adult life rather than being yelled at...and dont worry about what your friends do.. worry about what you do. weed will always be there.. youll only see worse drugs as you move on.. best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to avoid and ignore it. or youll end up like me, totally dependant, doing it now and wondering why you dissed it then.
best of luck babahdoll.
<3
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Posted by goodlovebadlove
on 2008-06-03 18:15:36
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kyle isn't just a friend though. he's my boyfriend.
i feel i'm starting to give in, i'm scared i'll eventually try too, and smoke as often as he does, several times a week. i don't want that to happen. but what can i say, i love they boy, and i don't want to command him to do (or stop doing in this case) anything.
thank you for your support, ignorance is basically all i can do, i know. just sleep through this last one and a half year. it'll be alright :)
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Posted by incense
on 2008-06-04 03:37:43
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