These lyrics are perfect to the situation between Kyle and me.

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?

How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.

How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?

And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.


See today, I went to Kyle’s place. He got a visit from his neighbor. She just stepped by to ask Kyle to smoke with her. Smoke marijuana. He was really nervous, he looked at me – what did I feel about the situation? I know he has been smoking a lot, but he stopped for my sake, because he knew I didn’t like it. After we broke up, he has done it once. I really do not like it. I hate all of his “secret life” of drugs and fighting and stealing and all that dumbass shit. And he knows it.

He asked though, if it was alright to me. I knew he felt bad about smoking in front of me, but the temptation is too big to him. So I said alright, smiled politely to his smoking neighbor, and was hoping he got enough with the bad conscience. So I sat there, watching them get high, and sniffing the smell (it smells good! But I’ve NEVER tasted it, and I don’t intend to either). Then she left. Thanks for the visit I said.

He was embarrassed afterwards. And he was high. His eyes went really red, and he couldn’t even recall what he had just been saying. He started to mumble, and he was just sitting there smiling widely. He walked very strange too. I didn’t like it, but I chose to just laugh at him. He knows how I feel about it, and my gaze would make him understand anyway.

I went one step closer to breaking up with Kyle today. I think. He whispered in my ear that he loves me (in Norwegian we differ between the term “love you” and being “fond of you” or “like you”, therefore those three words are -very- strong to use, it’s not something we say everyday to friends and family), and I didn’t answer. He was like “oh, okay then. You’re not in love with me.” 
“Are you in love with me? Honestly?” I said.
“Of course! You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me! You’re the prettiest girl I know, you have the greatest personality, your eyes… I’ve never seen a body like yours, it’s perfect, and you’re always kind and fun to be with. You’re the happiness of my life, Tuva.”
“Oh.” I really had no idea what to say about that. Actually I was expecting some lame “yeah, sure am” answer to make me sure about breaking up with him. Instead I hoped for another lame answer to my next question.
“So, would you want us to get back together as a couple again?”
And I think I maybe got that response, I don’t know. He just said huh. I repeated the question.
“Umm, of course?”
How should I interpret such an answer?

Anyway, looking back at it, I’m scared I got his hopes up. Did I?