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As I was logging off my computer, signing off of various messaging programs I took a glance at who was online. Then, for some unknown reason, I truely looked at the names of people who were online. I pulled their faces, and personalities, and character - I pulled their very being out of my head. I I pictured them, full-bodied as the people I know. And all of a sudden, with every person, every face, came these memories. These memories that had to have just become memories... the kind where you haven't thought that same exact thought since the one and only time it occurred in your brain. Memories I didn't know my brain had marked as important and decided to keep. From people I didn't know my brain had done the same with. Then, it dawned on me. Where does it go? All this time, all these small insignificant occurances. The stuff you figure doesn't matter, so doesn't even register. Why does it take so long for you to realize - those insignificant occurances... that's your life. That is what makes you who you are, who you will become. Those things shape your very existance. And this life you think you are leading, it's fake. Your body and soul lead a completely different life than your brain. And it just knocked me over. My two lives just collided. I remembered what I felt and I felt what I KNEW was life and the reason to live was that. I felt that in every memory that I saw, in every name that I read. And every time this happens, when there is a glitch in our human build and we truely see life as it is suppose to be - it hurts. I long for those memories just to stay, let me remember them and let them guide me to look differently, look through the other pair of eyes. But in moments, they are gone. I might be able to see them, or feel them, but I don't know. And it isn't anymore. I would give anything to be in that place all the time. To live, to know, and to love.
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Posted by in_my_head on 2008-03-03 23:48:02 | Rating: | Views: 30
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