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why did she reach and hold my hand?
did she, could she, truly understand?
as my pulse quickened and the sweat started dripping, didn't she understand?
that after all the long nights of crying myself to sleep
in the end it was her real voice i never heard again in my house?
that after the years of stomach knots and headaches and tears, she was the one who was hurt?
i know but does she? does she know?
that the love and admiration i once had for this women is as lost as her mind?
does she know? that the love i have for her is not the same as my ten year old love?
does she know? can she tell as i lay there, awkwardly listening to my heart beat,
that i dont want to hold her hand? does she know?
that everytime i sit in the car with her my mind rides somewhere else?
that as she repeatedly tells me over and over and over
that she actually feels apart of those songs. does she know i have stopped listening?
i have stopped taking advice about how fast or slow i should go.
i have stopped wanted to see her.
i have stopped that desperate ache for my dear mother. would she understand why?
would she be angry? would she know that i still love her?
care for her. miss her. but its just not the same. and it will never be.
does she know? that i can't stay with her too long without a lump forming in my throat.
is it wrong to pity her? to somehow feel bad for her? does she know this?
does she know all of this? do i know how wrong and selfish i am?
she loves me.
so much.
so much more that i deserve.
but what do i do with someone who knows nothing?
....................
i let her hold my hand. |
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Posted by imrighthere on 2008-01-06 00:37:26 | Rating: | Views: 48
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so if you havent realized, this is about my mom. who broke my heart. and officailly continues to break it. . .
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Posted by imrighthere
on 2008-01-06 00:38:20
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I'm a mom & from wisoconsin , is your mom void from her feelings & yours?
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Posted by SLAPPYPAPPY
on 2008-01-06 01:25:59
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i think she finally has realized that its really difficult for me to be with her. she lets her emotions show and she knows it. i guess i break her heart as much as she breaks mine... but i dont know what to do.
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Posted by imrighthere
on 2008-01-06 15:48:37
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unfortunately your lives have a bad cycle going. so maybe it's up to someone to break that bad cycle? it's hard being good & right instead of angry & spiteful. i will pray for your mom & you. sometimes are children have to be the leaders because grown ups haven't matured yet. my mom passed away and I missed her with an unmended heart.. life is not the same without her! i had a friend once that didn't like her mom & she heard me talking about my mom and now she loves her mom knowing she won't be here forever. i'm so thankful i could share my loving heart for my mom as it saved another mom/daughter relationship! you're priceless don't ever forget that ok :-) you matter and no matter what deep inside your mum loves you!!!!
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Posted by SLAPPYPAPPY
on 2008-01-23 21:06:29
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