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| When he said goodbye...12/23/2007
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Today he said goodbye and said he will be leaving… in front of him all I could say was “take care then”, but deep inside I wanted to tell him how much I care for him and that after all this years my heart still aches because I’m loving him. I just waived goodbye though I wanted to hug him and tell him to please stay. He asked me if I loved him but I just stood still frozen wishing the right words would come out but they never did, I watched him go without answering the question if I still love him and how I wish I did. Tears fell from my eyes as I saw him taking steps further from me realizing that again I didn’t have the courage to tell him what I really felt inside. As I saw his car left I realized I was foolish not to have said anything and realized how scared I am from being hurt by him for the second time.
Now I’m just staring at my computer while tears still falls from my eyes wishing I asked him to stay but all I could ever do is reminisce about the past. How I missed our times when we share jokes and laugh non stop for no reason at all (how mental we were back then?), spending time together eating pizza and cookies while sharing stories even to the smallest details that happen that day. Remembering the times we planned our future together and how simple our lives were back then. I sit still missing the times when it felt that my hands fit perfectly well in his hands and how I never want to let go, and just being next to him makes me feel that all my worries would just go away. And now I seat still wishing it would still be him and me in the future and feel again what we felt before or better.
I was broken by him, and thought I would never be okey again that I would never find someone else I could love, but I met someone that made me forget those heart aches I felt for him. I thought I was okey and I thought I have move on, thought we didn’t deserve each other, but this past few days he has been part of my life again, part of what I do everyday everything even the feelings start going back as if it was never gone it was just silent. So much has changed to both of us, how he matured and how we have change what we want in life, even to how he thinks change, now he is a real man with real dreams and he is about to fulfill those dreams. Almost everything change except for one thing and that’s how his smile makes my heart feel warm in the inside. I just remember how much I love his smile.
I hope someday when he comes back everything will be different, all the wrong things would be corrected and we could then again start picking up the pieces to be able to start all over again. His mom told me that if two people are meant for each other no distance, time or person could ever stop that even each other. I wish she was right when she told me that someday I would realize that we were meant to be together and I should forget what had occurred in the past. All I know is that right now even my heart longs for him I can’t be with him because of what happened in the past but maybe someday we could start moving on together and start a new life if not together maybe as friends… who knows what the future holds for him and me.
If ever you would read this there is one thing I always remember from you and its this words, that I would never need anything else because you will always be there for me and not even the distance that separates us would stop you from being with me. You told me that I will never be just a part of your yesterday but also a part of your present and future. I hope when I'm ready to forget what has happened in the past your still there for me and maybe it would be better when that time comes.
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Posted by impairedheart on 2008-04-21 07:33:38 | Rating: | Views: 43
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