I’m trying to pretend I’m ok though deep inside my heart I know I can’t stand the pain that is killing me. I want to be next to that man here inside my heart, I want to see him close to me smiling like the way he does, make jokes just to make me smile. I know what I want in this life and that’s to wake up each morning and see his smile. I miss him so much my heart feels like breaking into pieces. I want be near my “nilalang” and be able to say that again with a smile.

     I keep on hearing love songs play over and over again and all I remember is his sweet face while holding and playing the guitar. As if his voice was the music in my heart. Every corner of his apartment is a story of our love and how we shared our emotions to each other. And now every corner of that place seems so empty… it was what I used to call our place that is almost heaven because with him I felt a little closer to heaven. It was what we used to call our home where we plan our future together, where we argue about almost everything yet we enjoy every moment of it as if being together was the only thing we need to be happy.

     He was my guardian angel, my fallen angel the one that was suppose to take me away from my misery and yet he is the reason why I’m torn into pieces. Yesterday I went to all the places we used to be together, remember all the memories we shared and finally when I just had no strength anymore to continue I found myself sitting on a local chapel it seems so quiet and for the longest time I felt safe from the world that hurts me quite often. I ask Him what does it have to take for him to give me back that man I long for and no answer seems to go inside my head and I asked him to give me a sign if I should let go, I know that is what he wants me to do to live again and be ok just like before. I can pretend that I’m ok but without him I can never get back the me that was before he came in my life because in him I found the missing piece I need in my life and yet it was stolen from me again. When I went out of the chapel I immediately found the answer I have been asking for and it was a quick reply from Him, so it meant I have to let go but still I wasn’t able to face that fact and still keep on question him all over again. While walking I stumble in a small piece of board and to my surprise this is what was written to it “learn to let go of the past to be able to face tomorrow, each day is precious make it count”, I have no idea where it came from but I know it was meant for me to read it. Might me a message from God that I have no right to question his faith to me and maybe this is how things should be. Though it hurts so much I’m finally letting go of my angel, I’m letting go but he will be a part of me no one can ever replace, and no one can even come close. He will forever be the person that showed me a little bit closer to heaven. Even if we have been together for a short period of time in this world he showed me something no one ever did, he opened my eyes no one else was able to… and he taught me how to love with no limitations at all. And for that he will always be my guardian angel, the fallen angel that was taken away from me… but I hope someday when everything is in the right place, when all the wrong has been corrected we would be together even not in this lifetime I will wait for our paths to cross again and hope that on that time no one can stop us from being together and heaven would agree that its time for me to be together. I have never said this to him and I hope I did, I’ve fallen for an angel that was so perfect, his heart was the most beautiful heart I have known, his smile that could take away my fears and pains will forever be in my heart. My fallen angel if you must return from where you came from I’m letting go but please don’t ever forget that once you had someone that love you so much she was willing to give up everything for you and she will still wait for you to go back in this cruel world that only you can make her feel close to heaven.