"Before I sleep and after I wake up and all the hours in between ... you occupy my mind. So, practically every moment of the day you are in my thoughts. I miss you."
Well I woke up this morning about 10:30. Got Mason & Aiden ready to go with Chris for the day. Now, I'm back in bed watching Phillip sleep. I'm having a really hard time without him here right now, so this entry is probably going to be about him & how he makes me feel. It's so hard sometimes. Being able to see him but not touch him, hold him, kiss him, make love to him, kills me. But I know that within time I will be able to do those things all day, every day. But it's just a matter of WHEN?! The more I ask that question, the more and more frustrated I get. Then I take it out on him. I know I shouldn't but it's so hard. I know he doesn't want things this way just as much as I don't. I miss him so much. My body yearns for his touch, his embrace, my ears yearn for his sweet voice, my lips await that sweet, passionate kiss. I love, when he sees me in person for the first time after a period of time, how he cups my face in his hands & gives me the most incredible, passionate, romantic kiss. Then when we make love, I love how he touches my body. The way he runs his finger tips down my stomach & the way he lightly lays on top of me and wraps me in his arms & whispers "I love you" in my ear. The way he stares longingly & lovingly into my eyes as he brings me to the point of ecstasy. ((smiles)) He's so amazing. I love all the little things he does. The way he wrinkles his forehead, pushes his lips together & slightly clenches his jaw when he's really concentrating on something. The little things I do that irritate him, but he just looks at me, smiles & holds me & laughs about it. I love how he brushes the hair out of my face when I'm sleeping. I love how he talks to me when I'm sleeping, or when he THINKS I'm sleeping. ((lol)) I love how his heartbeat relaxes me & puts me to sleep. The way he holds me & no matter how much pain he is in, or how much his shoulders are hurting, the way he holds me until I'm asleep. I love the nights when he HAS to touch me & I have to be in his arms all night. I love making him feel as special as he makes me feel. There's absolutely nothing I would ever change. Our relationship is perfect & strong & keeps getting more & more perfect every day & stronger with every second that passes. I have done alot of changing in the past few months. After having my boys, I let "motherhood" take over. I didn't care about my hair or make up or exactly how I started dressing. But Phillip has made me realize that just because I'm a mother, doesn't mean I can't feel or look pretty. ((Thank you baby)) I've also over come alot of insecurities and obstacles. But I'll get into those more another time. I'm going to relax alittle & watch my baby sleep some more.
Love-
~*~TiA~*~
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