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I just need feedback on this situation because frankly I am perturbed. Here's the scenario: Yesterday I invited my boyfriend to join my family and me in the celebration of my sister's birthday. First off, he didn't like the way I asked him. Instead of me expressing my desire for him to join us, I told him what we were doing and then asked if he would like to come. He would've preferred that I voiced my desire for him to be there with me today. As a result I did reword the invite and asked him to come. He accepted.
So, today I try to call him and tell him what time we are going tonight but get a voicemail. So I leave a message. A few hours pass and I text him trying to get a response from him. He thanks me for the invite and then declines to come. Here is the texts word for word:
Me: Did you get my voicemail?
Him: Yes. I just got it. Thank you. I won't be able to make it my sweet.
Me: Ok.
Him: Just ok?
Me: I'm disappointed, but I understand.
Him: Oh...sorry.
Him. Where is this going to be?
Me: In ********. It's ok tho. I'll see you later.
Him: Where is the event? The place? Are you uninviting me?
Me: No I'm not inviting you. But I also don't want you to come because I said I was disappointed.
Him: You just don't get relationships do you?
Me: That was cold. I do get them. That's why I said ok. U wanted me to say more. So I did. I just told you how I feel.
Then he asked me to call him. So I did. He told me that he was going to change his mind because he wanted to do something for me because he cared. I told him that I understood that but that I didn't want him to change his mind when he really didn't want to go. If he had gone he would not have enjoyed himself. He would've only been going to make me happy. My argument is that he already knew I wanted him to go because the previous day I expressed that and we talked about it in detail. Knowing that he should've gone.
I was compromising and trying to be accommodating. I didn't want him to feel he had to go. I did tell him that I wanted him to go. However it was up to him to decide to go. The day before we spent the entire day together and had a great time. So I knew he would have other stuff he would need to do today because he didn't get to do it yesterday. But it hurt my feelings deeply for him to say that I just really don't get relationships. When the truth of the matter is that I get them entirely. They are about compromising and caring. I cared enough to accept his decision and leave it at that. He decided to prod and ask me to express my feelings on his decision. So I did. I will not bite my tongue. But my feelings should not prompt him to change his mind and decide to go. He told me what he wanted to really do initially. I accepted that.
Now my question is, did I handle the situation well? Or should I have had him come knowing the situation? I really want to know everyone's opinion. I thought I handled the situation well. He did not. Can anyone shed some light on this?
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Posted by im14sin on 2007-10-07 14:48:30 | Rating: | Views: 58
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are you sure your boyfriend isn't my husband? It sounds like a mind game. He wants you to feel like you own him something.
Be careful is all I know to say. He is just your boyfriend now. Think long and hard about living a life just like that day in and day out. Your request was simple and should not have had to be reworded. He knew what you wanted the first time you asked. This whole thing upsets me because it's oh so familiar. =( You were right if that helps you at all and you did nothing wrong and said nothing wrong.
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Posted by Brokenhearted
on 2007-10-07 15:27:06
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I appreciate your reply. I don't believe he was trying to be manipulative or act like I owe him something. I just could not understand his argument on this one. We had such a beautiful day yesterday and I understood he had other things to direct his attention to today. I accepted that. Would should he have to push my "ok" and ask for further explanation? I just wish he could've left it at that.
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Posted by im14sin
on 2007-10-07 19:41:51
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I think you handeled everything just fine but maybe the reason he acted that way is because, he was hurt when he said he coulden't be there and you diden't show your self being realy upset, But maybe he was just having a bad day and snaped at you thats happened to me before lol
Thats just a thiught.
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Posted by Kandy
on 2007-10-08 21:17:01
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