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Really, I'm not surprised.

So, obviously being married isn't all it is cracked up to be. Or so, that is how I am feeling at the moment. Maybe it is really that we are just not compatible like we thought... or maybe we are just not in love any longer. I can't explain it.

We cannot go a day without an argrument over something.. most of the time minor.... but sometimes it is over things that really mean the most to me.

Is it not normal for a married man to yearn to be with his friends all weekend long? Is it not normal for your "supposed" best friend and husband not to pay any attention to you when you get home from a long day at work, when his excuse is "I'm tired"? This lack of attention and continuous neglect of our "relationship" is at its' breaking point. I don't know what else to do. Maybe he is bored with me.

We have been going to counseling... and it has a slight improvement for about 2 days.... but then it is back to what like before. I always feel alone. I have a daughter that is almost 2 and I love her dearly... but that is just not enough for me. I don't necessarily want to leave him yet. I have almost twice before.. but he promised he would change.

It was hard for me to pinpoint what the real issues were. First, I thought that my issue was his lack of energy. Then I thought it was his lack of interest with Adyson. After him fixing those two things (somewhat.. at least some noticable improvements were made on his part), then I thought that it was because he just seemed to only want to go and spend time with his friends. Now, after all of that.. I finally know what is bothering me. He doesn't treat me like I matter. I can walk into the room, he doesn't say hi nor bye... doesn't acknowledge my existence. I try to say, " Hey, Baby, how was your day?" and to only get the response...." good." and then his eyes are pasted right back on the tv. Sure, I would like his help with the chores around the house and with Adyson, but really, I want some one on one attention and affection.. other than the once a while sex... that isn't 1/4 exciting as it used to be. Sad, eh?

I want excitement. I want some romance. I want to rekindle what we once had. But he is not interested in this whatsoever. We did have a talk the other night. We mutually explained to one another that if a break up did happen, we would want to remain friends, for our daughters sake. But, he urged me not to give up, and he stilled wanted to have another chance to make it work. I don't know what the hell to do.

I know a lot of you out the probably are thinking, " He is probably cheating." I really don't think so. Not just because I am naive. I really honestly don't think that he would do that. He has had two prior relationships where he was cheated on, and he does have some issues with this still. More than anything, I think that he is not ready to grow up, no matter how many times he tells me he is. I also know that he does not want to abandon these friends that are so "close" to him, even though they are in a completely different time in thier lives. ( All single, bar-hopping good-for-nothing unemployed jerks)

So, am I wrong for feeling this way? I don't think so.