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| I should be done with it.
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I am sitting here at work, B-O-R-E-D to death. You have to understand, I work in the Patient Registration department… right next to the ER. I see soooo many sick patients everyday. Like I have said in previous blogs, I like my job. But sometimes, in this little town, it’s gets pretty slow in this office.
It is times like this when I am able to sit here and reflect.
I am not sure if you will see this, Whitters, but knowing that you have had the same issues with your husband, is comforting. I feel so bad that you have the same issues that I do. Like I said, I don’t know what to do either. I don’t know whether or not to leave, and just let it be.
We just bought a house about 8 months ago.. at the very beginning of our current problems. Do you know what he told me? “ If we could just buy a house, I would want to get up and do more things. I would be more motivated.” Well, that didn’t happen, that’s for sure.
In our old house, my kitchen light that hung from the ceiling didn’t work. I asked for months and months for him to replace or fix it. It wasn’t until 7 ½ months after asking and asking I called my dad and he fixed it in a matter of about 10 minutes. Garrett didn’t even notice the change, even up until the point when we were moving. And, I didn’t even care enough to even tell him. That is how distant I feel from him.
My best friend Lizzy lives in our basement. Lizzy and Garrett grew up together, and I am a year younger than them. They grew up knowing the same people… and since we live in a pretty small community, I know “of” those people. Garrett has been working graveyard shift the past couple of months Monday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday nights he tells me that he has to stay gone from 10pm to 6am because he needs to keep on schedule. At first I was okay with this, because somewhere in my mind I really didn’t care…. And it really didn’t matter. I would expect the same from him if I worked a wacky schedule too.
If anybody were to ask Garrett what he does on the weekends with his buddies, he says, “Just hang out. Play pool, cards or video games.Stuff like that.” This is the big whoo-hoo, I guess. Personally, I don’t really get it. But now, we are to a whole new level, again…..
Garrett has lied to me before. The couple times before it was because he tried to quit smoking cigarrettes. So he quit. I bragged every week when we see people how proud I was of him that he had quit and then I would say things like, “ Garrett hasn’t smoked for a month and a half! Can you believe it? I am so proud of him!” –but I looked like a fool. He never quit for more than a day or a week. And all of these people that I was gushing to had seen him smoke recently. They never said anything either. I had to catch him smoking two times… and I was so hurt. He doesn’t think that this is a big deal because its “just cigarrettes”.
The last time that I caught him lying was about pot. Now, I don’t have anything against the drug. To whoever does it, good for them. I don’t judge those who choose to do it. Its just that, personally, I would never and have never done it, and I absolutely don’t want my husband or my kids doing it either. Do you know what I mean? Especially, if he has a really good job that does drug testing randomly…. All I know is that if he got fired… everything that we have and have been working for… our house, our cars and our daughters college fund… would be gone. Our small little town does not have an abundancy of good well-paying jobs. If he lost his job… I don’t know what would happen, especially if it was over smoking pot.. I wouldn’t think that our marriage would survive it. But the main reason I was hurt, he lied about it, for so long.
Now, this last weekend, he left to go to his buddies house when I was getting ready for bed. The next day, Lizzy told me about how her friend saw Garrett at the Bar. Well, I am not surprised… but it you ask Garrett, he thinks it is lame. When I asked him the next day what he did the night before, he omitted the fact that he went to the bar. Then again this morning, I learned he went to the bar again last night. What the heck? I just feel like he is lying and lying over and over again.
Am I intitled to be angry? But really.. it’s not like I even care anymore, so should I just ignore it? I am so numb about him, it makes me sick.
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Posted by ikinoii26 on 2007-12-31 15:43:54 | Rating: | Views: 69
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Your husband seems to have a problem with lying and you put up with it. Why would you do that?
If he wants to keep a schedule and stay up at night why does he have to go out to accomplish that? Why cant he stay home and get some shit done.
I dont know you but I believe you deserve better then that. Your daughter deserves better then that.
You are entitled to be mad about what he has done, but he will only treat you the way you allow him to, so it's time to take a look in the mirror.
I hope you dont think I'm being a bitch I am tring to get you to just take a stand for yourself as well as your daughter.
Good luck and I hope you get what you deserve!
Bless you!
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-12-31 15:55:58
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You are totally entitled to be angry! He lied to you, and by just omitting the truth part still counts as a lie. Men!
Your husband likes to go and play pool with his friends - my husband get this, spends 12+ hours every Saturday racing RC cars. YES you read, right - remote controlled cars! How old is he? 12??? No he's 29.
I am like you, I've never smoked pot in my entire life (I actually left home at 16 because everyone else smoked it). I always wanted "better" for myself. I found out my husband was smoking it and then lied to me about it - it KILLED me inside. When I found out, I think that was one of the rare times my husband was physically scared of me.
Men!!
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Posted by Whitters
on 2008-01-02 08:59:47
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