What day is it?
When they all seem to run into each other.
Sleep, what used to be my only ali, has escaped me
left me to the demons that awake
when the world sleeps.
When no one can help me,
when no one can hear me when I scream!
Inwardly, atleast.

Surprisingly, today is different.
It's gloomy and cold.
Raining too. Hard.
This is how I feel and nature has brought it out
infront to the world to see. Not my pathetic attempts.

It's a calm chaos.
I have settled into this misery, not fighting it anymore.
Just tears falling steadily inside, like this rain.
Medicate it away,
Counsel it away,
pray it away,
condemn it away.
My will is gone.
I'm settled.
The Calm.

This heavy heart breaks my back.
Yet i try to coninue living this life i gave up on.
I should have ambitions for a future i don't want to see.
I should nourish this body I despise for not giving way.
I should fake sanity and recovery when an invisible voice speaks,
and it's getting harder to breathe and exist.
"You can do this. Happiness will come. This isn't permanent."
Misery has been more constant.
I've come to expect it, like a faithful enemy.
'Happiness' has eluded most of my life.
It has even helped me mask my pain until I couldn't hide it anymore.
"The devil you know is better than the one you don't"
The Chaos