i am here right now. i entered the room and remembered being in here with you last night. we were seated in 2 separate chairs with our legs extended infront of us. and you were making fun of one of my positions.... the one with my both my hands in my armpits... or was it on my breasts like you asked.

being with you in here last night brought back so many happy memories. cos it was this time last year that i was in this room most of the time too. and you'd visit me here or meet me here. i loved sitting next to you. just looking at you and watching you move. with a kiss on the tummy. i love relaxing and talking to you. i miss those so much. just sharing all the stuff i think of and feel. and like i said... i love it that with you i can be me. i dont have to be perfect. i dont need to edit, censor or pretend. i can make weird faces and you'd just either laugh at me or make me repeat them. last night i got to be lazy and relax again. but i still wish you'd share too.

i remember you telling me you read somewhere you dont need to touch someone to have an affair. remember i told you i read something about making love making much more delightful by the initial nonverbal stuff. i remember after i read that i said i was going to make a thought here about it. but i dont remember all of it that much right now. i just know it said in there that the simple act of looking or breathing in synchrony helps. or a simple touch to say i understand and i love.  and that the heart - loving - should come into play. 

thank you so much for spending the day today in this place, you did not even need to be at work, but you were here with me. i just want you to know how much i appreciate it. 

sorry if i go crazy... angst. its not rejection. remember you are always loved by me.