So, my name is Jae(my blogs will remain nameless). Not my real name, but it will have to do.  I live somewhere in the randomness of south part of the U.S.  I'm in my mid-twenties. I am currently going to school, graduating in April.  I currently have an thoughtless boyfriend.  I'll call him Idiot.  I love him so much yet he just seems to not care about me.  He tells me he does, yet theres no actions showing he does.  He claims its because hes been hurt before and doesn't want to go done that road again.  Therefore he doesn't show he loves me.  We have been together for 5 months.  Which isn't really that long, but considering this really is my first relationship it seems like forever for me.  Everything would be great between us if he would just call me when tells me hes going to call me, or call me when I ask him to call me, or send me a 50 cent card from walmart every once in a while, or buy me something just because he wants to even if i don't ask for it nor have him ask me what I want, etc.  To me that isn't asking for much.  But apparently it is for him.  We have a long distance relationship.  He lives nearly 3 hours away.  So I need these little things.  If I lived closer I wouldn't care if I didn't get anything because I would be happy with having him around all the time.  That's all that I need to be happy.  But when I can't see him whenever I would like or what not then I need the little things.  He seems to not understand how much that stuff means to me.  And I'm not asking to spend 2893740286789023 dollars on me.  The little things like writing "I love you" on a napkin makes me happy.  I can stick it on my fridge, put it in a frame, or make a scrap book.  Yet I have nothing.  Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.  I have sent him atleast 3 cards, bought him a lot of clothes, gave him a surprise birthday party, spent 200 dollars on him for his birthday, spent 150 on him for christmas, made him a cd, driven to see him and spend the weekend with him about 10 times compared to his 4, etc.  All I have is a 60 dollar ring and a tiny digital picture frame.  Oh and a trash can.  Whoopedy doo.  I didn't get anything for christmas really.  He sent the ring to me a couple weeks before christmas, and I didn't get the picture frame until almost New Years.  So when I drove to go see him and have Christmas with his parents and him, I sat there and got to watch him open his presents.  I sat there and felt like shit.  So finally 2 days later after I left, I text messaged him and asked him if I was getting anything for christmas.  His response was "Ya'll surprised me.  I didn't know we were openning presents.  I felt bad cause I didn't have anything for you."  Yet I had told him the week before that the next weekend I was going to come down and have christmas with him and his parents.  So apparently he doesn't listen.  And I'm suppose to move down with him when I graduate school.  Yet will anything get better when that happens?  From what it seems, no.  I don't understand why I'm so head over heels for him even though hes an asshole.  His actions and what he says also makes him an asshole.  There's just so much.  Like Friday I asked him to call me that night.  Did I get a call.....no.  He told me yesterday, Saturday, that he would call me later on that night.  Did the idiot call.....no.  Along with very little text messaging untill nearly 12:30 at night when I had already been asleep for nearly an hour.  And all was said was  "Love you".  No "I'm sorry that I didn't get you called, I was really busy" or anything like that.  So I don't text message him at all this morning.  I woke up to my cats meowing for food at 7:45am.  I decided I was going to see how long it would take him to say anything to me.  We communicate through text messages.  Talking on the phone is pretty non-exsistant.  Considering we do live nearly 3 hours away from each other and can't see each other often, I would think that talking on the phone was pretty important.  But anyways, so finally at 10:20ish this morning he finally text messages me "Love you beautiful. xoxoxoxoxo"  Yea that's nice and everything but still no appology for not calling me the previous night nor a goodmorning or anything.  To me it just makes me feel like I am a nuissance or something, because it's too much effort to say stuff to me or call me or do things for me.  He tells me that hes so proud of me and that he knows he doesnt show me enough.  Yet theres no showing.  I fucking need it.  I have been through so much bullshit in my life that I need that 50 cent card once a couple weeks or month or so.  I have no self esteem.  I need to feel  like I'm worth something.  I thought having a boyfriend you were suppose to feel better and feel like your worth something.  But I guess I am wrong.  I don't understand all this crap.  And the funny thing is if we go somewhere and run into someone he knows the tell me how lucky I am, that I have a really good man etc.  Yet he treats me like shit.  It makes no sense to me.  Is that how boyfriends are suppose to treat their girlfriends?  He's an asshole to his parents too.  Yet he treats his friends really nice(majority of the time).  So does that mean the people you love the most you are suppose to treat like shit and the people you should care less about you treat them like they are gold.  MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE.  Maybe I really should reconsider this relationhip.  I don't know.  I hate to leave him because for some uncanny reason I love him so much.