I had a really great pseudo-political blog all planned out in my simple little mind.  It was to consist of sex, politics, deception, and betrayal… all taking place at the expense of the innocent and needy.  Instead, I happened to suffer a great abomination just this afternoon and felt compelled to share my plight. 

  I recently opened an account with TCF Bank after banking with another institution for a number of years.  The reason for the switch was simple proximity, coupled with extended hours of operation.  What I began to discover recently is that switching to TCF only allowed for my being royally screwed by a multitude of convenient locations that are open seven days a week. 

  My first inclination that TCF Bank is full of shit occurred when I tried to cash a child support check mere days after opening my checking account.  There was just a hair under a hundred dollars sitting in that account on that fateful day.  I walked into the branch just up the street from me, handed over my $150 child support check, and informed the teller that I was going to need $120 of that back in cash. 

  “I’m sorry, ma’am,”  the teller said, “You don’t have the funds in your account to cover that.”  Now I’m not all up on “new math” but I was pretty sure that the way I’d figured it I had PLENTY to cover that request. 

  “Is my account in the red?”  I queried, not certain how that could possibly be.

  “No,”  she replied, dragging out the word.

  “Then what are we talking about?” 

  “We’re talking about you not having the funds to withdraw that amount.”  She said it with a “duh” in her voice.  I did have a headache at the moment and I was becoming convinced that the throbbing was foiling my comprehension.

  “Ummm…  actually if you look at the check there’s more than enough for me to withdraw $120 and still deposit $30.”  It was my turn to put the “duh” in my voice. 

  “Ma’am,”  the teller huffed, “you can’t withdraw money you don’t have.”

  We went round and round for a little while before I figured out what was going on.  Turns out that TCF Bank holds any check for a minimum of two days before releasing the moolah.  Doesn’t matter that the check might be a payroll check.  Doesn’t matter that the check might be a State issued check.  They absolutely refuse to let you touch your hard earned dough no matter how hard you beg.  My wanting to take $120 was never going to happen unless I already had that much sitting in the account, regardless of the amount of the check I was trying to deposit.  Frankly, I was a bit disturbed to hear this.  It ended up making that whole bill-paying thing difficult for a minute. 

  Being a single mom who needs every dime, there’s been a number of times where their holding onto my money for even a few days has caused some issues.  It’s not like I can float checks and pray for the best… and even if I could, I wouldn’t. 

  Fast forward a few months to just last week.  I’ve just started a new job and my first check has a three week delay.  Gotta tell ya… going nearly a month without money gets pretty rough but I’ve been making do.  Anyway, a friend owed me a little bit of money and was supposed to hand it over on Thursday, so I paid a certain bill in anticipation of his coming through.  Unfortunately he wasn’t able to give it to me and asked for an extension to Friday.  I really didn’t imagine I could beat cash out of him that he didn’t have so I sighed, told him it was ok, and prayed that there were no ramifications.

  Thursday night I checked my account online and everything appeared to be kosher.  No big deal.  Friday afternoon I checked the account and sure enough, that bill had posted and my balance showed a slight negative.  Again I thought, no biggie.  He was going to deposit cash straight into my account after work that evening and life would be great, right?  Wrong.

  Here I was thinking I had a few extra bucks laying around until payday and I “shopped” accordingly.  By “shopped” I mean I bought two packs of cigarettes.  Anyway, so I hop online this afternoon and Lo and Behold… the money my friend had deposited at 6:27pm  on Friday never posted.  At 9:59pm, however, a NSF charge had been applied to my account.  Hmmmmm.  What the shit?  And not only that, it appeared that those two packs of cigarettes I’d had the audacity to buy were also ready to hit the old NSF list.  I was stunned.  Something had to be wonky there online, so I called my branch.

  The lady at my bank informed me that the deposit on Friday didn’t make it during banking hours.  Huh?  My friend had physically walked into the bank, physically handed the money to the teller, and physically called to tell me the money was there.  How had he managed that after banking hours?  When I posed that question the lady on the phone told me that they adhere to NORMAL banking hours.  It didn’t matter what time they opened or closed.  They were in no way referring to their OWN banking hours.  They obviously were referring to the general banking hours of every OTHER bank in town.

  “In that case, how is it that NSF charges are being applied all over the place outside of normal banking hours?”  It really seemed like a viable question. 

  “Ma’am, our system is set up to track debits,”  was the answer.
  “But not to track deposits?”  I countered.  She didn’t seem to want to answer that one.

  “So lemme get this straight.  I had enough money in my account to forego NSF charges, but you applied them anyway.  Then you’ve applied MORE charges for insufficient funds for transactions made over the weekend, even though there IS money in that account, because you choose not to recognize that there is money in the account?  Am I right?”  I was getting a little worked up.

  “Ma’am, all of this is explained in your account terms and conditions.  None of this is a surprise.”

  “The hell!”  I spat.  “ALL of this is a surprise!” 

  “Yes,”  she sighed, “I suppose it is.”

  “Let me guess how the rest of this goes,”  I intoned.  “That money that you won’t recognize as sitting there until Monday does me no good.  Meanwhile, that $3 pack of cigarettes I bought is going to cost me $33, and even though there’s not a damn thing I can do about it over the weekend, you’re going to institute further NSF charges and make sure there’s absolutely no way for me to avoid them by coming down tomorrow afternoon and clearing up this little mess?  Am I close?”

  “Well ma’am, the charges will be 24hrs old by tomorrow,”  she said, as though that explained it all.

  “Ahhhh… so if I come in right now and hand you some money I can avoid those charges?”

  “Well… ummm… no.  You see, it’s not regular banking hours,”  she stammered.

  “But you’re open?”  I asked.

  “Well, yes.”

  “So technically it IS regular banking hours?”  I prodded.

  “Well, for us it is.  But it’s not REAL regular banking hours.  Does that make sense?”  she asked.

  “Absolutely not, but I appreciate your fucking me,”  I said with a snort.
  “Pardon?”  She sounded shocked. 
  “I said thank you for fucking me,”  I repeated. 
  “Ma’am, there’s no need for vulgarity,”  she choked.
  “Ma’am, you’re not the one who just got fucked.”  I loved the way the “F” word rolled off the tongue at that moment, and I more loved that she was offended by it.  I didn’t bother to further banter or exchange niceties… I just hung up. 

  So here I sit, extremely pissed off and in the proverbial hole for no good reason other than I opted to bank with TCF.  Let me say it again… TCF FUCKED ME.  Royally.  Without lube.  From behind.  Twice. 

  For the record I have NEVER had a problem with my bank account.  Never.  Until I switched to TCF Bank.  I’m thinking that’s because most banks do things about the same ways… and that TCF Bank has some shoddy business practices.  When King Soopers can cash my payroll check in 3mins and my own bank needs 3 days, I’m thinking TCF Bank has some serious problems.  And I’m thinking that TCF Bank can kiss my rump and I’ll take what little money I currently bring in elsewhere.  You can imagine that I will also make it a point to badmouth them at every turn.  

  My advice to you is as follows:  if you happen to be lucky enough to reside in one of the few states in which TCF Bank operates, don’t be entertained by the extended hours of operation.  They’re not REALLY open late or on the weekends, and they’re not REALLY going to do much but steal from you.