| himaintenance's Blog Comments |
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fighting on 2007-09-25 18:19:26 |
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It's so hard to comment on others' pain... I hope this blog helps you get it all out so you don't have to suffer keeping it inside. I'll be here laughing at life with you and hoping that the giggles change the world!
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| Posted in
When good parents go bad. on 2007-09-20 22:59:00 |
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Bravo! While in a totally different situation from the "two parents who once loved a child" scenario, I find myself embroiled in a mess where my child is nothing but a pawn. The pain and destruction will never be felt by the other party, and the mentioned party will never see the harm that the child suffers. Those who care DO see it and mourn for our babies. You have just said all that I've felt and I applaud your eloquence!
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| Posted in
The injustice saga continues on 2007-09-03 00:55:25 |
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NEVER give up. You fight and fight... cry and cry... worry and worry... But you NEVER give up. If you fear for your childrens' safety, you do what you have to do to protect them and you stand strong no matter what the reprecussions. Fear of the legal system does not warrant placing your children in a bad situation.
I speak from experience. Without going into much detail in a public forum (for express legal purposes, of course) I, too, have experienced the atrocities committed against children in our nation's courts. Children have no rights to safety, and we mothers have no rights to provide it. It seems that the shadiest parents who are hell-bent on using their children as weapons against those of us who truly love them get the nod in our courts. It sucks and it's unfair. There is little education out there about these occurrences because we have been forced into the shadows and taught to fear fighting. Until enough of us stand up and scream, "Do your worst... I'm saving my child!!!" the horrors will continue.
Just do what your heart tells you is right for your children. Should you find yourself staring through the bars of a jail cell one day, at least you'll know that love put you there.
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| Posted in
Hey Anyone...Im new to blogging, on 2007-09-03 00:31:15 |
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Cheers to finding yourself. It's amazing how therapeutic rambling to strangers can be! Welcome!
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| Posted in
I have become invisible on 2007-09-03 00:29:22 |
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My mother was a model. She was a sickeningly beautiful young woman... the sort every young woman wishes she could be. You'd never know it to look at her now. She looks like any other 50yr old woman. I've sometimes wondered if she misses the days when she, too, stopped traffic. Then I realize that of course she does.
I once stopped traffic. A few years ago I noticed that the oggling has subsided and I attract appreciative glances and the occasional catcall. I imagine soon I will warrant scattered glances, and that soon after that I, too, will become invisible. I fear having to pass the torch to my gorgeous daughter as my mother passed hers to me. I'm not ready to stop shining. I suppose once one is used to radiating it's difficult to melt into the shadow.
Something about your post made me both profoundly sad, and yet exceptionally peaceful. You somehow managed to spin the tale of the evolving woman in a way that has, if only slightly, forever impacted the way I feel about aging.
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| Posted in
im going to suck and swallow on 2007-09-02 13:46:11 |
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Good luck! Keep an eye out for how many times he gives YOU what you need. I hope the scales even out...
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| Posted in
suck n swallow the follow up on 2007-09-02 13:43:23 |
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I wish I could say, "Yeah, that's right... I'm brilliant"! The truth is that I've been around the block... twice... and earned insight through pain. Sometimes the lessons that leave the greatest impressions are the ones learned through hard battle. My family and friends all told me what I was putting myself through with my ex and I offered up every excuse in the book, telling them they didn't understand MY situation.
It took me a year of progressing anger to finally realize that I didn't deserve what he was dishing out. Finally the hurt got to be so extreme that it was pure "survival" to just get out. Sometimes emotional abuse is so much more destructive than physical abuse. At least you can put a band-aid on the outside wounds. But how to treat the wounds of your soul? The answer that I came up with was that I had to put myself first. If I couldn't love myself enough to be good to myself, how in the hell did I think anyone else could? I'd heard that before, but it didn't make sense until it was my own epiphany. People feed on what you project, and if they feel you not caring about yourself they are apt not to care. It's a strange and vicious cycle. *shrug*
I don't know you, hon, but I do know this to be true of everyone. You are worthwhile. You have unique thoughts and dreams that are important to the world. Nobody should have the power to quiet them or force you to disown them. You deserve to feel good about yourself every day. You don't deserve to fear being who you are. Oil mixes with oil, and water mixes with water. Oil and water, however, don't do so hot in the same container. It doesn't mean either one is wrong, and it doesn't mean either one is useless... they just belong with their own kind to be effective. Let him take his oil elsewhere and find your water to mix with. You'll feel good. Me, I ditched the oil and am on a half-assed search for my own water. It'll come... it's gotta rain sometime!
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| Posted in
suck n swallow the follow up on 2007-09-02 01:27:53 |
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I have this insane knack for commenting on all the wrong posts... *sigh* Makes me feel like I'm butting in, but this one was one of those that I just had to get my two cents in.
I don't know all the details, but you said this man has kept you hidden for years. I checked out your age, and if my math is correct you met him when you were still a minor. Granted, I don't know how old he is but I'm assuming he's an older "gentleman". If so, he's probably not too keen on admitting to the world that he was robbing the cradle. I see some other issues that may be hidden somewhere behind your story but those may just be my imagination working overtime. Was he married when you started your relationship? Is he truly divorced now?
Moving onto the sexual things he insists you do to prove your love... all I can do is gag. Men are great at this, aren't they? They can just slam the entire meat of a relationship to revolving around their... well... meat! As if there is no other possible way for you to prove you care for him. Gotta tell ya sweets, men who emphasize sex to the point that your man does are worthless.
The tragedy is that, from my perspective, he thinks that he's got his young chippy around to do his bidding. You're in love and he's taking advantage of that. I've been there, done that. I've given and given, while my ex took and took. At the end of the day he was happy and I was miserable. But I looooved him. *snort* The thing was, when I sat down and physically wrote out what I loved about him and what I hated about him, the hate won out. I remembered what had made me love him in the first place, but he didn't have those qualities ANYMORE. So really I was hanging on to a memory. It was kindof a slap in the face, but it was the jolt I needed to get up and get gone.
I don't think you're going to do the situation any good at all by letting this guy read your blog. So a zillion people across the world agree with you... Big whoop. At the end of the day that's a zillion people who don't know you, your situation, or have a vested interest in the advice they spout. Me included. What you have to do is handle the situation based on your own feelings. Whether we think he's a prick or not is irrelevant. What WE think doesn't change how you feel. You've got to stand up for yourself with only yourself as your witness. It's hard and it sucks, but at least you can be assured that you're not letting yourself be used or abused in any way. Talk to him. Don't let him make you feel guilty for your feelings. If he loves you, he'll work with you. If he's interested only in what you can do for him, quit wasting your youth and work on finding someone worth your love. Good luck sweetie... It's hard but your dignity is worth it!
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| Posted in
BORDER HOPPERS on 2007-09-01 03:25:35 |
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Stickyicky, I absolutely LOVE your dad. He hit the nail right on the head there... although he left out the pesky truths about Welfare and other government programs while he was at it! Although, that might have unnerved those who don't mind working hard and paying taxes so ILLEGAL immigrants can eat while our own citizens starve...
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| Posted in
Leaving Myspace on 2007-09-01 03:17:57 |
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My dear, MySpace is fickle. I was on there for years... it was my outlet. That damn page got hundreds of hits a week and people very rarely commented. So what? LOL Half the time that people comment they spout ignorant or unintelligible drivel, so be thankful you didn't have to muddle through much of that. You're not doing anything wrong. It's YOUR space, so do with it as you will. Do with Thoughts.com as you will. And have fun!
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| Posted in
. on 2007-09-01 01:43:21 |
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Years ago I was with a man who SWORE that he had a sexual addiction that consumed his every waking thought. No conversation was complete without sexual innuendo. Not a day passed that he didn't "proposition" me. He made me feel cheap... good for nothing but lying on my back. He seemed less interested in my thoughts or ideas than he did in getting nekkid. He tried to make me feel like something was wrong with ME if I didn't submit to his demands as often as he wanted me to. He blamed ME for having an unhealthy level of desire. He did a lot to let me know that nothing was wrong with him and to lay all the pressure at my doorstep. How to contend with that?
After a while I didn't give a shit if he had an "addiction" or not. Honestly, I think for every 10,000 men who say they have an addiction, perhaps 1 of them truly does. The other 9,999 are simply children with such a centralized me-based focus that they don't have the maturity level to prioritize.
Frankly I don't know you and I don't know the particulars of your situation... so I'm probably talking out my rear here. This is what I think about your "willingness fueling his fire". It swings both ways, I imagine. He wants and you give. He hasn't a reason in the world to imagine you're anything but willing. On the flip-side, you're trying to please your husband at the cost of your own pleasure. So who's the winner? I don't know, but I do know that neither one of you is coming in first place.
I know it's a crappy situation. I do know this. Communication is key. If you haven't already told him how you feel, you have to sit down and converse in a calm and rational fashion. You have to let him know you're bothered and why. Then you give him a chance to change. Just cutting him off will make him think you're either finding pleasure elsewhere, or that you're punishing him. He'll be hurt and confuse. After you talk, THEN you tell him you need a break from the physical so you can concentrate on the emotional.
How he handles this will be the answer to your question. If he doesn't respect you enough to grant such simple wishes then perhaps it's time to evaluate what your worth to him is, and what your worth to yourself is. From experience I can tell you to be ready for an outcome that you might not appreciate. Before you move into this phase full throttle know what your goals and limits are, and be ready to back up whatever you say with action. He has to take you seriously and giving in to threats, cute pouts, or the like just sets a precidence for all your future dealings with him.
I've been where you are and it sucks... so I'm sending you a hug, PG13 thoughts, and a ton of luck!
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