| himaintenance's Blog Comments |
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I had another man's baby on 2007-08-30 17:25:21 |
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Man... I'm going to make friends and influence people here. Honestly, I don't find it cheery that Hails jumped up and touted his lack of sympathy... mostly because nobody asked for it. But on the flip-side, I think it was uncalled for that anyone should call him an asshole. So he has an opinion that isn't all rainbows and glitter. The reality is, he's just as right in one sense as he wrong in another (in my opinion... and god knows my opinion ain't gospel).
Frankly, I see hurt in his response, meaning he was on the other end of this dramatic play at some point. He was probably destroyed and unable to trust, which are valid feelings in cases like this. He is sharing his perspective, albeit using harsh words meant to do nothing but shame. People do that... big whoopty.
To be honest, I think "jackass above me" should be heard. He makes a valid point. Sabrina honey, you can't hide your baby's history from him. He deserves to know. And as sickening as the thought may be, your husband deserves to know who you are. To physically betray is one thing. To emotionally betray is another. He deserves to make the choice to forgive, because otherwise his love is false.
The truth is the hardest thing to come to terms with. It sucks and it's no fun. It can change your life in an instant. But you have to know the importance of your word and the weight that it should hold. Living a lie is going to kill you slowly. It already is. BUT, you'll get to that when you're ready. Listen to the thoughts of others... the good, the bad, and the ugly. It all prepares you to accept your truths.
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I had another man's baby on 2007-08-30 02:03:29 |
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*whew* I had to do some deep breathing excercises and count to a million before I could respond here.
First, we'll start with what you already know. You cheated... right, wrong, or indifferent. It is what it is. You have a wonderful baby, a loving husband, and a boatload of guilt. You seem self-aware enough already without some hateful blowhard giving you an education in idocy. Pay Mr. Hominid up there no nevermind.
As for your baby not having a "real father"... A "real father" is not simply the squirter of genetic material. Your baby is not some bastard child hanging out there in a fatherless limbo, and I hope you don't ever let an accusation like that get you down. Real daddies are made of love, devotion, understanding, and selflessness. The "donor", in his response, has himself opened the door for a worthy father to step in and take his place. Sometimes kids deserve that. Small blessings are what they are.
Sometimes we have so much pain in our souls that we'd blow up if we didn't get it out somehow. I imagine that's why you told your story and I applaud your courage. You had to have known that someone would take the moral high ground on you, but you got it out there anyway. Be thankful that the first comment was an ugly one. You got what you expected (and may have felt you deserved) right off the bat and you lived through it! You maintained your composure! You took the moral high ground over those who love to point the finger! You practice on people like him for the times to come that may matter.
In the meanwhile, know these things: infidelity will never be the catalyst to bad parenting; failure to use contraception in no way lessens your womanhood, your motherhood, or your wifehood; the past may very well catch up with you because it generally does, but you'll be strong and prepared to take responsibility. Enjoy your baby now. Cherish your family now. Ease your pain now. Everything else will fall into place. I wish you the very best!
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If only ALL criminals would admit to criminal acts on 2007-08-29 13:49:03 |
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Ahhh... lovely. I'm not savvy at all, which makes me bow and scrape to people like you with the grand ideas. With this in mind I think she and I will work just a little bit in the other direction to go ahead and prove his data-jacking! Thankfully I have someone in mind to work this little issue and get all the info he can on who's cyberstalking her. Anastasia will be ecstatic... and LOUD! Thanks tons!
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My "Superior" religion on 2007-08-28 23:03:32 |
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I think that was one of the finest religious analogies I've ever heard... devoid of side-choosing and all!
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Forgiving a Murderer on 2007-08-28 21:06:23 |
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My heart breaks for you. I can't begin to imagine your pain and I wouldn't dream of telling you I understand how you feel. I do want you to know that I wish you peace of mind.
As for forgiving the person who selfishly took that precious baby's life... I believe that there are forgivable actions, and then there are actions so heinous that forgiveness is not warranted. Should you find it in your heart to forgive this man, God go with you. As far as general Christianity goes, even God will not forgive the taking of a life and I doubt He would expect it of you. If you can't move on without forgiving, by all means do so. There isn't anyone who can tell you how to handle this tragedy; unfortunately you have to overcome in whatever way you can. I will pray for you and your precious grandchild.
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Daddy makes me cry... on 2007-08-27 09:09:01 |
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Oh sweetie... your post makes my heart hurt. My little girl was abandoned by her father and she used to wonder what she did wrong to make him leave. The answer was "Nothing," but she still wondered. He came back a decade later and began to harrass her, talk down to her, threaten her. She wonders all the time what she's done to deserve that treatment. She asks me why he won't just go away. I tell her that she isn't to blame... that it's his own internal demons that make him act the way he does... but she doesn't believe me. How can she? I know the pain that I see in her eyes and I wish there was something I could do to take it away from her. Until a bad parent admits he's a bad parent, nothing stops the cycle.
I noticed that you were born in '88, which I assume makes you old enough to get away physically. Do whatever you can to remove yourself from the hurt and work on healing the wounds in your soul with people who are supportive and loving. Separation, while hard, is the only way you'll be able to feel truly alive again. I wish you all the best, my dear. I love to hear stories of abused children who overcome because they give me hope for my own daughter's psychological health. Feel free to email me anytime. While I can't guarantee wonderful advice, I can promise that I hurt for you and will always tell you that you're worthwhile... because you are!
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I don't care if you don't like me.... on 2007-08-26 00:22:50 |
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I'd much prefer being told I'm disliked to being treated as such. To quote G.I. Joe, "knowing is half the battle". It's just a reality that not everyone is going to love you. You ignore the inconsequential people and revel in the fact that the right people DO like you
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Why I'm taking Spanish on 2007-08-25 22:51:43 |
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My belief is that Spanish should be abolished from the school system. When us whiteys cater to the border-hoppers it kinda takes the sting out of the word "illegal", huh? *sigh* What a sad state America is in. At least we can rest easy knowing that all the effort isn't wasted when there's a million folks picking oranges...
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I must've been a serial killer in a past life... on 2007-08-24 11:59:29 |
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Part of me loves and hates, with equal verve, to hear that I should do so. I love it because I like to think that my reality is actually amusing instead of so all fired strange, and that perhaps I DO have a talent. I hate it, however, because I don't think I could ever write a book that any publishing house would take seriously!
For the record my old blog site was such a hit that I managed to piss off people in every geographical class, and Bev Walton-Porter insisted I write a book based on the entries. I'd thought of calling it "Randumb Ramblings of a Blog Whore".
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To commit or not commit. That is the question. on 2007-08-16 09:31:15 |
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And here I was thinking I was the only person left on the planet who realized relationships aren't all spiffy just cuz I said so! We live in a lazy world where all the hard work is done for us via advanced technology, so we're not exactly up on the meaning of "hard" work. If it's not user friendly we toss it and find something that is... and that mentality bleeds over into our relationships. I've become convinced that the general population is in search of a mate who is spineless and compliant, although I'm fairly certain that slavery is still illegal!
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Life in a Nutshell on 2007-08-16 09:12:24 |
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I smiled a little to myself as I read your post. I was you long ago and far away... young with a baby whose father was a deadbeat and ready to get back in the game and find true love. Those were the good old days.
I thought the same things, made the same phone calls, and made myself available on every level. I thought that's what a man wanted... someone to adore him, and then he'd adore me back. What I didn't see was that my constant trying only made me seem clingy. I learned a little something that I'd like to pass on to you, and I do so with the utmost sincerity. You might not love it, but you will appreciate it.
When you plant a seed you can't, no matter how hard you try, make it bloom any faster than nature intends. You can water the soil 12 times a day, feed it fertilizer, slap it under a UV light, and dig it closer to the surface. All you'll succeed in doing is killing it. You may be anxious, but you have to wait for it. The same is true of a relationship. Over-attendance will surely kill it.
I know what it's like to feel the anxiety deep in your stomach. I know what it's like to want to spend every moment with someone...or at least talking to them. I know what it's like to want to give so badly. I also know that I've been on the receiving end of this mentality. Over many years I've learned that you have to take things slow and act a bit aloof. Your anxiety, while real to you, is not necessarily the same feeling somone else might have. Just breathe and be rational. Your feelings are internal and will haunt you whether you make them public or not. Save face and act cool and collected. WANTING to call him every hour is ok. Actually DOING it is another matter. Give him the opportunity to miss you a little. The old saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is so very true. Let him make the moves now and then. Wait for him to ask you to be there instead of magically appearing whenever you think he MAY want you.
It takes a lot of self control to not shout from the rooftops when you feel such love for someone, and god knows it causes a lot of inner turmoil. I promise you, though, that a little discretion is going to be better than a boat-load of expression! Good luck to you sweetie!
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Fake suicide notes bore me... on 2007-08-16 08:28:22 |
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How did I know that this comment was coming? *rolls eyes*
Looky here sister, you haven't much clue what "someone like me" is all about, so do refrain from making hasty statements. Now if I wanted to be all angry and shit I could mention that I didn't drag my ignorance to YOUR comment box, but rather did what you agree bloggers do... I blogged. It made me feel better. Do take note that I allowed all the supporters to validate you in their own way and opted out of "being a jerk" in your postings, which is quite more than I can say for some people.
Trust me, hot stuff... If you're so full of yourself that you think I was making reference solely to you and your diatribes, you're in need of a reality check. There's hundreds more just like you. You, however, seem to be the only one who's seen herself in my little rant. Perhaps recognition is the first step toward healing?
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Silent Screams on 2007-08-16 01:12:45 |
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For what it's worth, I hear you. For me, blogging is a way to bring out all that I have inside that is frustrating or painful, and I hope it does the same for you. It's cheaper than therapy!
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retard! on 2007-08-13 23:51:58 |
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I thought I was the only mother in the world who referred to her baby as "the symbiotic life-sucker", but "parasite" is right up there! The great news is, they never STOP sucking the life out of you! Mine's 11 and still going strong!
Don't worry... your fears are absolutely run-of-the-mill. If you didn't think about that stuff I'd think you abnormal! Good luck, m'dear!
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the end on 2007-08-13 23:43:38 |
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I think at some point we all become desperate... desperate for change, desperate for recognition, desperate for a break. Sometimes things seem to be spinning out of control in ways that don't appear to be reversible. The pain is so real that it seems to envelope you, to seep into your every cell and become you. The "you" you used to know seems to disappear. Deep inside, though, under the blackness, is the old you; the "you" that was once vibrant. That part isn't gone, just hiding... and it wants out. For every terrible thing in your life I promise that there is at least one beautiful thing, one thing that you know you want to cultivate, and cultivation takes time. It's a job to push back the hurt and focus on the things you want to live for. Trust me, I know. But if you train yourself to focus on all in you that is worthwhile it soon becomes second nature and there WILL come a point where you are ready to realize that your value is greater than you ever imagined. The way you tackle this test will forever strengthen you... and I have faith in you!
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PISSED OFF!!!!!! on 2007-08-13 23:27:08 |
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Here's my stupid input. It never failed that I would spend an hour typing my fingers to the bone about something that really mattered to me and then POOF... it's gone. I finally just started writing my drama in a Word doc and copy/pasting it into my blog. Piss on trusting a website!
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