My therapist asks me whether I am having any morbid thoughts. Huh. What a weird question. I don’t know if I go more than half an hour before I have any morbid thoughts. If you are 30 and above, I don’t know how you cannot have morbid thoughts frequently. At mid 30’s people start to die. Accident, cancer, depression etc… your high school, college friends start to die. The people, I mean the old people, like your grandparents, or your great-uncle etc doesn’t count as much. I mean yes you are hurt, and feel sorry, but they are old, and death is a fact of life, especially for elderly. But when you start noticing your peers are also dying, that’s frightening. People who are same as age you are, who you think as invincible as yourself when in college, starts to die; that’s a different matter. Now you know that you can be hurt as well. The fact of death, even though it is well-known, and perhaps experienced before, creeps into your thought. Once you start thinking about death, everything is a spiral-down from there. You start to think the time is running out, you start to think that there is so much out there that you have no idea about, that every moment, second counts, that you have to live a full life, or at least feel fulfilled, that you are never going to find out that special one, or your relationship isn’t working out or that you job is a dead-end and your career (whatever that might be) is going nowhere, you start to have the chills. Frustration. Anxiety. Nostalgia. Before you know, you are depressed. Now you are feeling depressed, everything is even worse. It is as if it was already getting close to midnight, and somebody put on a really dark pair of shades on your eyes. Everything takes a somber tone. Feeling powerless, and then eventually worthless. May be you could have been better of if you did not go through all these motions. I mean what’s the point right? You struggle for some 30 odd years, so that everything is going to be better, brighter, and happier and yet you find out that your friends, relatives are dying out and you are not at the place you think you would be. Isn’t that morbid itself?