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I think what my problem is is that I'm afraid of endings. As much as I love autumn, I wake up everyday with summer thoughts (especially since I barely allowed summer to begin) and refusing to bid another season good bye. What was hard this August was seeing the kids from my mom's daycare begin school, begining yet another semester at community college not understanding my purpose being there, and of course resting a friend to eternal peace when I was no where ready to. But I also think that it's something that one can never be ready for... it just happens and all you can do is deal with it, putting one wobbley foot in front of the other. It's like learning to walk all over again at this rate.
I'm also afraid of ending things I want to end anyway. Like my residence here with my parents. It's what I know, where I've always been... but I know I need to move on and get out. If I could only end my shopping binges I can provide myself with another shelter in another city, and possibly hopefully another state with another school.
Maybe I can't end things because I either don't know or I'm too afraid to begin new things. I'm moving at a slow pace, I feel like I'm almost crawling through life instead of standing strong and striding through it confidently and knowingly and fearlessly.
I'm almost hesitant to end this entry and begin studying for my 3 upcoming examinations. Or googling scholarships. Or return missed calls. Or pay my phone bill. Or clean my brushes for a wedding consultation later today.
So maybe I'm not so afraid of endings... maybe I'm afraid of begining.
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Posted by herekittykitty on 2007-10-07 13:17:26 | Rating: | Views: 104
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only when you understand what you are afraid of can you begin to stand strong against it. You are half way there =)
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Posted by Brokenhearted
on 2007-10-07 13:28:30
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I really like this post. Endings and beginings can both be extremely frightening because they both deal with change. Maybe what you are really afraid of is change; the change brought on by ending something or begining something.
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Posted by Hail17
on 2007-10-07 14:40:54
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