| View Blog
|
| I'm not getting any better
|
|
|
Or maybe I am. It just depends on the perspective, I suppose. Today I came to the realization that I cannot center my life around someone else. I can, however, move on and make something of myself. So...I'm thinking Chicago would be a good choice for me. I really love my studio class, so I am considering freelancing as well as teaching. I know Chicago fairly well and enjoy being there, and it snows. A lot. Hmmm.
Also...I had a thought. Since Matt has friends here, he'll come back to visit. So...I will see him again. I don't have to make a major move to his city just to be close to him in an effort to get him to notice me. I can do that, without even leaving Savannah if I chose, simply by being great in my field. I may just do so. (My first shot was perfect today...photographing glass without specular highlights. AWESOME!)
Since I came to that realization, I feel better. I still miss him and want him, and I still feel like the gods were cruel, but I realize that it was for a reason. He's my catalyst; in a sense, he's my muse. Without meeting Matt, I wouldn't be doing what I am or trying to improve my skills or myself, or even taking my coursework seriously. (Yeah, he's that great.) When I think of all the coincidental occurances, I can't help but think that fate is somehow involved. Maybe we won't be together romantically, but perhaps we'll be friends and possibly co-workers in the future? I would be thrilled just to be good friends with him. So, we'll see.
Oh, that reminds me. Jess thinks he's still in Savannah, because some of this things were set outside of what used to be his office...but his desk was empty when I peeked in on Monday (his office mate left the door open). That, and the book he submitted to SMFA was lying on the bottom shelf in the corridor, and I don't think it's something he would leave behind. When she said that she thought he was still here, my chest tightened and my heart started pounding again...which is why I don't think I'm getting better. It's so annoying and confusing! If I had some answers, I could either get over it and move on, or maintain hope (as the case warrented). But, no, I'm stuck in the dark...as usual. Hrmph.
Tomorrow I'm getting glasses, so I may not feel like posting anything. We'll see how sore my eyes are...I haven't had new ones in almost three years! |
|
Posted by herbalphoto on 2008-07-02 18:03:30 | Rating: | Views: 16
|
| |
|
|
