I wrote a post yesterday in my frustration and shortly after posting it, I began to feel convicted.
To my spirit came the word “mercy”. I know that my Daddy God is so very merciful to me and plenty of people in my life have shown me mercy at times so I realize now that I need to show mercy to my family members and to Grannys friends who do not act the way that I “feel” they should be acting.
I must understand, not only with my head, but with my heart that everyone handled grief and death differently and the way they handle it is a unique to them as it is to me. How I handle certain events in life is not how others may handle it. I need to accept and respect that. It doesn’t mean that I have to like it or have to agree with it, it just means that because I need to respect it, I need to keep my mouth shut about it and to let it go. It is ok that they are possibly in denial and may have regrets after she dies because they don't do anything while she is alive, but that is their problem and not my concern.
Yesterday was a hard day where Granny was concerned. Her social worker paid a visit and brought along a temp nurse as her regular nurse was feeling ill and the temp nurse just made a huge mess of things. She manhandled Granny when she was bathing her and turning her from side to side to change the bedding and when she dressed Granny in a night gown, she had trouble getting it over Grannys head and bruised her forehead. “L” her live in care giver stood there and watched it all until she could take Granny screaming no longer then she decided to cut the back of Grannys night gown instead of reaching for one of the open back gowns that Granny came home from hospice in. Need to note that the social worker was there as well during this time and she did nothing to help either.
When L told me about the incident, I saw red; I asked her why she didn’t step in and help when Granny was crying out while being changed and she said that the temp nurse doesn’t accept help easily. I don't personally care if the temp nurse doesn’t accept million dollar bills on gold plates, when you hear someone crying out in pain you get off your lazy butt and go help them. That’s what L is getting paid for. So glad I was not there, I would probably be in jail for knocking three women out of this universe.
I took L outside and we had a nice but firm talk about opening eyes and being more alert as far as Grannys needs go because she is being paid to take care of Granny. L gets lots of “me” time, heck she gets more “me” time than I do and I live by myself, and should not have any issues while on work time doing her job. I suggested that Granny now stay in the hospice gowns and also addressed her tone of voice to Granny, the condescending way she talks to her and the fact that the social worker has advised that violent movies or TV shows not be watched in the living room where Granny is because she will pick up a word or two and then apply it to those who are helping her and create more issues (the other day, she heard the word “rough” being used in a cooking segment of Chef vs. City and began to tell everyone that her dog was treating her rough and that her dog could not be around her and this went on for hours, see where I am going with the watching what is said/heard around Granny) and just make it harder on Granny.
I am quickly learning in the less than week that L has been the care giver that L doesn’t like to do anything any ones way but hers. She doesn’t care if other methods are quicker, easier, less traumatic for Granny or anything, if she didn’t think it up, she won’t do it.
Last night K told me that he is unhappy with L and wants to find a new care giver. I am so all for that and would even take off work and go find someone and do the interviews if she didn’t want to take off work to do it. Tonight when I went to visit Granny, K said that L told him today that she doesn’t think she can handle this job. [LOVE it when the light bulb finally turns on and someone gets a clue at last!!!] So the search for a new care giver is on as of tomorrow.
I didn’t stay long tonight at Grannys house because I am emotionally tired at the moment and need some time away from the stress of everything going on at her house. I feel selfish for leaving early when her time is so limited but I need to maintain my own strength and sanity.
So, in short, I need to stop projecting my feelings on to others and let them handle this situation in their own way, as long as it is not detrimental to Granny and I need look into Teddy Bear cams or something to that affect to keep my Grannys last days as peaceful as possible.
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