First of all I want to scold myself for continuing to allow myself to be soft enough towards this person to let her use me over and over again. Hopefully one day I will learn.
If you have read me long enough then you have heard about a female coworker who likes to fancy herself in love with me. Literally, not figuratively. I wrote a post about her coming up to me and kissing me, she has tried to do this several times. At one time she was my best friend at work and someone I trusted with more than I think I should have.
Before she got pregnant a few years ago she decided that she no longer wanted to be friends with me and tried to get me fired from our company. It backfired on her and caused her to be written up. She then opted not to talk to me for almost a year and then when she found out she was expecting, she decided she needed her best friend back.
Like a fool, I let her back into my life and she asked me if I would plan her baby shower. I enjoy organizing things and am very good at it and so I told her I didn’t mind. Her mother was paying for it all but needed someone to plan it for her. Two days before the baby shower I got really sick. I didn’t feel that it was a good idea to be around her as sick as I was and so I had to pass the job of hostess to someone else who was going to be at the party and my friend got pissed. She said games didn’t go as well as they would have if I had been doing them as well as other events of the day were not organized as they would have been had I need there. She accused me of messing up her shower. I was sick and she was hormonal so even though I forgave her for her ill words, she still thought I got sick to keep from hosting her shower.
Regardless, she came around right before the baby was born and wanted to be all chummy with me again. Decided that I was going to be honorable Aunt to the kid and made a big deal of it. When the baby was born, I could not bring myself to visit her at the hospital, I didn’t visit her when she came home and the baby was over a month old before I went to her house to visit her. I felt used, or at least I felt that I had set myself up to being used by her once again.
When my friend was on leave for the baby, I felt so much peace at work, trouble for the office was not instigated and I secretly prayed she would not return.
The baby will be 2 this coming April so its been a little while since the above mentioned incident and yet for some reason, I continue to let her lie to me and act like a friend but not really be one.
I stopped trusting her a long time ago, stopped sharing about me with her and stopped being a best friend to her. I am more of a coworker to her now although she still calls me her best friend and her actions show she feels that way. I went out with her (as the designated driver) and a few friends a month or so ago for the first time in years. I haven’t done anything outside of work with her except having dinner with her and her family at Christmas last year since my family was all out of town and I was alone, she made me promise I would come and I honored my word.
Yesterday she left work early and told me she had a Dr appointment to get a yearly female physical. After she left, a mutual friend of ours at work said he was going to text her to find out “how he was” and I didn’t pay attention really as he is a joker.
He came over later to me and showed me the text history of their back and forth conversation stating that she left the office to step out of her marriage and sleep with a friend. She has a history of being unfaithful to her marriage and it grieves me as it is when she has tried to talk to me about it. I constantly tell her that her personal business is not any of my business and that hearing about her affairs bothers me as I think her husband should know.
So my issue is this. Why am I upset about being lied to? Why does someone say they are your best friend but chooses to lie to you?
This morning when she came to my desk, I could not even look at her. I went outside to smoke by myself and she followed me, tried to strike up conversations and I could not look at her nor talk to her. I simply told her I didn’t feel like conversing.
I read a quote somewhere (I don’t know who wrote it) saying this “the worst part about being lied to is the knowing that you are not worth the truth”. That’s how I feel at this moment. I don’t want to know her details but I don’t want to be lied to.
So how do I transition our friendship (if its called that) from someone who will listen to her and talk with her to someone who doesn’t want to have anything to do with her but will not be rude as its not setting an example to be mean and ugly like that.
Am I in the wrong for being upset about being lied to by someone who calls me their best friend?
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