| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| From hurt to forgiveness in a phone call |
Sometimes I get in the mood to talk a lot about myself and there are other times when I am really guarded with my internal heart. Today I feel like opening up a little more I think. I am hurt and confused today along with sad and bittersweet.
A little background about me: My biological father (Mike) divorced my mom when I was three years old; my sister (the evil one) was just two. My mom remarried a few years later and my step father (Frank) legally adopted my sister and me with my biological father’s permission. So from the time I was adopted by Frank, I had not seen Mike until the day I graduated in 1996.
That was also the last time I have seen his mother my Granny. Now over the past few years I have formed a relationship with Mike and it’s getting a lot better. I have forgiven him for what he did to my mom and my family and have moved on. I love him greatly, call him often, send him birthday and father’s day cards as well as visit him every few months. He lives about 30-40 mins south of where I live.
My Granny remarried a few years after my grandfather died (after my graduation in 1996) and then pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The last time I talked to her on the phone was around the end of 1996 when was in my first semester of college. She didn’t call Mike and she changed her number. Refused mail and phone calls and she blocked her number when she did call Mike. I have been asking about Granny for a few years but all Mike says is that she doesn’t want anything to do with the family and she calls him once or twice a year to tell him she is still alive then hangs up shortly after that. No details or anything.
Today Mike called me and left a voice mail on my cell phone saying that “Granny has pancreatic cancer and she wants to talk to me, here is the number, I love you, call me later.”
I called the number he gave me and heard my Granny’s voice and started crying. Her voice… so beautiful. All of the memories of her taking us to the Circus or Ice Shows and so many fun things as children growing up came flooded back. I had missed her so much.
She has known she has pancreatic cancer since February and has been doing chemo once a week. I am going to visit her today after work.
I am so torn. I miss her and am so glad that I will get to see her today but it hurts to know that she has lived less than 4 miles from me for the last 5 years and never wanted to see me. I realize that her missing my life is her loss, she wont ever be able to make up for the lost time but I am forgiving and will spend as much time with her I can before she fades from my life permanently.
I love her.
|
|
Posted by heatherslife on 2009-06-29 16:31:29 | Rating: | Views: 65
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
