I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

My life is like a dream, deep, endless, unknown to so many.
On the outside I appear so sweet, so innocent.
I have to let the world, that their preconcieved notions of my life are nothing more than a mere fairy tale, an imagining brought upon my by aquantances. I wished nothing from their passing faces, at yet they judged me so surely, so quickly, and gave their thought no second chance to change.
So now I sit here, wishing that others could see me as I really am, deep inside knowing that that will never happen.
I am lika a barcode. Once I have been placed with a certain product, the pairing of the two of us can not be changed. Like labels. So unfair. So judging.

I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

I wish for a life where people are not suprised by my actions or thoughts. Where I can feel what I want and do what I will and it will upset the the motion of time. I want a world where my friends accept any behavior from me as part of me.
But yet it will not happen, and I am realizing that I am having an awfully hard time accepting that fact. Change is good, is it not? When you resist change, you resist future. You resist a path that will lead you to where you need to go.

I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

I used to dream of being a mermaid, to be able to swim free in the ocean. To be able to escape the suffocating ideas of those who surround me. Of the possibilities weighed down on me by mere associates, people I only look too as people, and nothing more. I used to dream of having strong, beautiful white wings. Wings so powerfull and magnificant that I could just lift into the air and fly away. That I would not have to wory about the world's petty problems just to make annoying pesks, humans, happy.

I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

I want more for myself than labels and ideas that I never accpeted as truth or as even being allowed as an idea in my spectrum of thought. I want a life for myself that I control. A life in which only I am allowed to call the shots.

I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

Yet I am not naive.

I know that all wishes have their price. I know that to have a life that is completely and utterly what I want it to be would mean that I would have to give up almost everything. And do I want that? I admit, sometimes to let people think a certain way about you is easier than telling them why they are wrong. Some emotions hurt so bad, cut so deep, that you could not possibly explain it to them to save your life. And that would have to be something I would have to give up. I would have to stop caring about the feelings of those I hold dear and close to my heart. They would have to be nothing but people, random human beings that I merely associate with. I would the knowledge of what a freind is. My family would not be able to get close to me and comfort me in my times of need. When I would greive, no one would be able to understand. I would explain everything to them in such a upfront manner that they would possibly not be able to understand what I am saying.
They would ultimately become shocked and confused. People would avoid me like the plague. But my life would not be a fairy tale. I would be completely open and real, with no pre-concieved notions put upon me by other people.
Ultimately it would scare everyone away.
But...

I do not wish for a life that is a fairy tale.

But if I know how to make my wish come true, why don't I act upon it. Why don't I achieve my ultimate wish?

Because I rather not explain heart aches and sorrows. I rather not tell the world what makes me happy and feel like my world is okay. I do not want the world to know every detail there is to know about me. That is why my life is a fairy tale. That is why I continue to dream of swimming endless blue oceans, and flying between impossibly soft, and pearl white clouds.

Because in truth, my life is a fairy tale.

And I do not wish for it to change.