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Am I doing this right?

Okay, this is my anonymous blog. Not my first, but my first here.

I was looking for a blog site that would allow me to publish adult content. It seems this one will. Now, don't get too excited. It's not like that.... well I guess it kind of is. I love to write and I seem to express too much to those who should probably be kept in the dark about such things.

My main reason for wanting to put my thoughts, actions, and feelings into this media is that I (we) are going through a major transformation in our relationship. And I have all kinds of strange feelings, fears, insecurities, and desires and I am not quite sure how to deal with them. Got your attention? If not, let me explain more.

Nod and I have decided to dabble in the Lifestyle that is called Swinging. To be more specific, a Soft Swap experience is what we are looking for. I am not looking for individuals to be involved in that from here. So don't even try. I thought a blog about the journey to our ultimate goal which may or may not even happen. This journey started about a week ago, and I know I should have started the blog then. But you know.... why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?

Anyway, I have already gone through a tidal wave of thoughts and feelings ranging from curiousity to yearning to afraid to upset to vulnerable to arousal to distaste and disgust. I think it will be an interesting self discovery.
Nod and I have been together for almost 10 years. We are both in our early 30s. We have a busy life, we have a lot of children (okay, it's only 4, but it feels like ten times that most days) but they are not babies anymore. So we have found ourselves with a little more time to ourselves. We both work, however he is gone for days at a time (sometimes as much as 9 days), and I am self employed and have a very flexible schedule.

It works because I usually work only while the kids are in school. A lot of people (mostly clingy type wives) can not understand why I allow him to be gone for such long stretches of time. But he has always had a job that kept him away for days for our entire relationship. So we are kind of used to it. But where he used to be gone 3 or 4 days, in the last year it has changed to 5 to 8 days at a time on average. It was hard to get used to. But ultimately it was better because instead of only 1 day off, he can have up to 3 days off in a row. I play the role well, but sometimes I don't want to be a married single parent. But it is his job and everyone has one. At least everyone should, because of his job I was able to stay at home with our youngest two children, and for that I am grateful.

Now, I am going to turn all cliche romance novel on you when I tell you that I am deeply, desperately, and madly in love with this man. I don't believe in soul mates. Its a bunch of bull shit. BuuuuhhhhhT..... the lengths at which we have gone through to be together is the stuff romantic comedies are made of.

More cliche`
To describe him. Well, picture that muscular hunk on the front of any romance novel. You know the one that's titled something like "Loves Last Embrace" or "The Captains Woman". The manly man is wearing a white flowing shirt that happens to be torn partially off of his perfectly smooth chest. One of his nipples and navel are accidentally exposed. Below that perfectly sculpted six pack is a pair of black pants, very tight black pants that leave nothing to the imagination, maybe they are even torn (I'm beginning to think this novel is about a pirate.. maybe it is the ocean and ship in the background). His hair is long, and it is falling out of the leather thong that was tying it back. He holds her and looks at her with longing and love, moving in for a passionate kiss to end all passionate kisses. Okay - got the image? Okay, now forget about it, because he looks nothing like that. I am not going to blow a bunch of smoke up your ass. He's not perfect, physically or otherwise. But he is pretty cute, he is a good guy, he's funny, he's kinda dorky in an adorable way, he can also be a total ass, and pretty annoying at times. But he is mine. And that is all that matters.

Ohhh...hunger pains. I wish I hadn't bought those Oreos earlier. BRB

Alright, where was I? Anyway, I wish I could skip right to the sex stuff. But there areso many other dynamics to this story.

But it's getting late... really late. And my youngest son - we will call him IKETETIAO7 (I Know Everything Even Though I Am Only 7), we' will just call him IKE7 for short - has a friend coming over tomorrow for a sleep over. I am not looking forward to that! Nod was supposed to be home, that is why we told him he could have a friend over. But of course, he is delayed - so it's up to me. Super Married Single Parent. So I will close for now.

My "I was like.....what?!?" for today is
Def Leppard apparently has a new album out. I do not know why I was not informed. Because they always pass everything by me first. But... anyway so there is this new album called "Songs from the Sparkle Lounge". I must go out and purchase it tomorrow, even with a suspiciously gay title like that - I MUST HAVE IT!
Check out their new video. 2 points to whoever tells me correctly who that is that is singing with Joe.
www.youtube.com/watch