| View Blog
|
|
|
The sun is shining, I have a limp leg and the girl of my dreams is walking with me as we stroll down a path which I hope is everlasting.
We talk about the weather, movies we like, things we have in common. We enjoy ourselves, I enjoyed myself. Yet something strange occurred. This happened in those few seconds we just walked quietly forward with our eyes sealed against eachother. We didn't say anything, not a single word however it was in those few seconds we said the most to eachother. Help me understand.
I've simply adored this girl for nearly three years now, and all I feel when I walk by her is a breeze, a searing chill down my back and the loss of words. Help me understand
I talk alot, I really do, I tend to be the cool guy because I know how to act on peoples emotions and can read them like a deck of cards. I've been a confrancier, a stand-up comic and I've made a fool of myself publicly several times.
None of those things bother me, I don't care what other people think, I really don't, but I always think about what I am to say next.
I've seen my problems in many situations as I think too much, way too much. I concider everything, and even when I feel that I'm not thinking, for example during a math test answers pop out of me like rays of sunshine through the shallow clouds.
I'm scared. Not I'm definetly not scared of saying anything. I can do it, but I feel that everything I do has to have a purpose, if not it's just purely meaningless. So what to I intend to to about this girl, I wonder day and night.
I thought I had found the solution, simply put I supressed my emotions, never alowing myself to think or dream about her. I hate myself for not having total control over my mind! Isn't it up to ME, MYSELF to think for myself? Shouldn't it be me controling my own thoughts?
That is the sole reason why I only go as far with her as to put up a fake smile and talk with her every single day. SHE SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME!
I would die for her, I allowed myself to think about her for a split second and the first question that popped into my mind was. In a death situation, would I sacrifice myself to save her?
If it was for ANYONE who read this text, including you, the answer would be a loud and clear. "See you later sucker!" , But for her, It would be, "save yourself". Doesn't that sound even a tad frightening?
I am supposed to have great control, as I do each day to take on all the matters at hand which are uninteresting for scum such as yourself, (no offense but I'm fired up right now) I WANT TO HAVE ABSOLUTE CONTROL, NOT OVER YOU OR YOUR MOMMY; BUT MYSELF. IF I SAY TO MYSELF TO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THIS WOMAN THEN WHY THE HELL CAN'T I STOP WRITING THIS IDIOTIC TEXT ABOUT NOTHING ELSE THAN MY FRUSTRATION WITH MY SELF.
And espesially my heart
|
|
Posted by harriboy on 2008-05-02 14:01:10 | Rating: | Views: 304
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
No One, not a single person, that has, does or ever will exist can control thier emotions, as it's meant to be. The only option we have open to us is to control our actions, but when our actions go against our emotions, frustration, confusion and even depression. Acceptence is the only consolation.
|
|
Posted by Long
on 2008-05-03 07:48:41
|
|
|
|
damnit
Atleast I know something now
thanks
|
|
Posted by harriboy
on 2008-05-03 19:21:09
|
|
|
|
I think it is possible to control your emotions to a certain level, but then again it wouldn't make it any better for yourself. It's called denial, and it will hit you back sooner or later anyways.
Good luck with this woman, I hope you will start looking at her as a wonderful element in your life, rather than a bother :)
|
|
Posted by incense
on 2008-05-12 16:25:22
|
|
|
|
|
|
Blog Information
|
| |
harriboy
Norway
|
harriboy's Links
|
|
|
No links found
|
| Blog Categories |
|
|
Nothing found
|
|
|
|
|
|
