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It all started on January 1, 2007.
I had a huge crush on him, and he had just asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course i said yes and we started our relationship.
After about 2 weeks we started holding hands, then in February we shared our first kiss, this was the first time he said he loved me. We talked everyday through the computer or on the phone. We didnt hangout very much, but i didnt care as long as we had eachother.
Later on in February, we broke up because i was having a rough time with family issues, and he wasnt there for me & i couldnt waste time with him. He got so angry he told everyone at school that i cut myself because of him.. i spent all of 4th period in the bathroom.
Then in March, 6th period history class we had assigned seats. he sat behind this one popular girl that he knew i didnt like AT ALL, and started talking aout me and saying awful stuff. I started tearing up in class and had to put my head down so nobody would see me crying. then after class he came up to me asking what was wrong after all he had said and i spent all of 7th period in the bathroom.
Over the course of a week we worked everything out, mainly becasue i didnt want to let him go. I knew he didnt deserve a second chance after everything but i loved him too much to let him go.
For the next few months we were ok, things were normal. But once school let out we never saw eachother, which broke my heart. We talked non-stop over all of may and the beginning of june.
But One weekend in June i went to a church camp and had my phone taken up. I made new friends and one in particular that i thought was cute. Of course id never do anything like cheating on him, but when i got home i found out that he planned to go to a movie with another girl.
When i found out i called and asked what was going on, then he said he didnt love me anymore and that it was over between us. My heart was broken and i didnt know what to do but cry. Then i texted my youth intern for help on what to do, and got a text from him. it said (and i quote) "get a life you fucking ugly slut. i can do so much better than you. whore"
Thats when i broke down, i dropped my phone and couldnt speak. i feel on the floor in tears and started praying to God asking, what did i do to deserve this? i slept on the floor that night. I cried myself to sleep for a week straight.
About a week later this boy that i had known for a while confessed to likeing me, and i thought it was a chance to get over him, so we dated for a while too. I grew very fond of him and realized that i was over that boy who hurt me so deeply, and that i was infatuated with this new boy.
We dated from June to September, for one reason and one reason only.
In august when school started i saw him again, they boy who broke my heart, and saw how cute he got over the summer, and how much i missed him, and how much i still loved him. but i couldnt do that to my boyfriend.
I had gotten a new phone number over the summer so my ex didnt have it, so i texted him asking him why had he been such a jerk? and he said i know who this is and im so sorry. i told him he had killled me, and i cried for a week, and that it had been so so hard to get over him, and all he said was can we be friends?
So we became friends, and he confided in me with personal stuff, and i did the same. we eventually became best friends but early september. We talked on the phone until 2 in the morning, and i realized i was falling for him again.
So i had to break it off with my boyfriend, becuase i knew i would end up cheating on him if i kept this going. and exactly one week later on September 27, 2007 the love of my life asked me to be his girlfriend again.
This time was different. we hung out pretty much every weekend, we talked on the phone every night, we told eachother everything. he became my best friend. We went to football games, movies, to eachothers houses just to hangout.. and i thought everything was perfect.
Of course we had our fights, but they only made us a stronger couple. He sat by me at lunch, and held my hand in chapel. For christmas he gave me a pearl necklace and i wore it everyday. We had even talked about marriage together.
January we started to drift apart a little, and i noticed it fisst and asked him about it. he denied it and said i was making nothing into something. I didnt want to make him angry and agreed.
Then he started to ignore me and hang out with his other friends that were girls and flirt with them and hangout with them. It bothered me, but i didnt want to start drama, but i had to tell him how i felt. He told me that i was being overprotective and needed to back off, and it did hurt my feelings, but i couldnt break up with him. i loved him too much.
A week after that he told me that he was tired of having a girlfriend and wanted to just have fun. of course it killed me but i had to break up with him. i coudnt torture myself any longer.
That night where he hurt me again i went crazy, and tried to overdose. i know now that it was the stupidest thing i couldve ever done, but i didnt care at the time. I got scared after i did it and i told my dad what i had done. he called poision control and let me sleep in his bed that night. he told me i wasnt allowed to talk to him again and that if i ever dated him i wouold be forced to break up with him.
The next day at school he had told everyone that i was doing drugs trying to kill myself and that i had an uncaring father. i didnt know how he found out about all of it but he did, and told the entire grade. so after 4th period i told him that i shouldnt have shouldnt have done it and that he deffinatly shouldnt have told anyone, and that i didnt want all of this drama. he said ok, but didnt do anything about it.
Eventually i grew to hate him, and i still cry over him every once in a whiole.
its been 4 months and im still in love with him.
but theres nothing i can ever do about it. |
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