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This is going to be so hard. I hope it gets easier. So im in my bed at mums shes wondering whats going on and why all my stuff is here. I cant tell her the truth because i wasnt even allowed to tell her about me and him.
My every thought is where is he know and who is hed with, what is he doing. Its killing me i cant bare it.
You know he hasnt even rang me to see what is going on and i know he should be home by now so he must know my stuff has gone and that i wasnt home waiting for him to get there.
Hes probably loving the fact that ive gone and orgainsed for a dozen chicks to go there. What have i done????
At least if he rang me it would feel like ive achieved something because the tables wouldve turned and he would be the one sucking up to me but no.
Im longing forhim to be next to me, to touch me, kiss me even though it would mean nothing to him.
I JUST WANT HIM TO CARE
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Posted by hails on 2007-09-06 10:40:35 | Rating: | Views: 210
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oh poor you. That sounds really painful.
I'm in a similar situation...but I haven't left yet. Out of fear that I will go insane without him!!!
I totally understand you...but I think it's good to let him miss you. I know it's killing you and you probably want to pick up the phone and know what he thinks about you not being around anymore...but I think he might begin to appreciate you now that you're not there...and sonner or later...that call will come.
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Posted by Cecy24
on 2007-09-06 10:48:41
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i hope so. I dont want him to call so i can be a b***h or anything. I just need that call to know he misses me and so that i know he knows that im standing up for myself.
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Posted by hails
on 2007-09-06 11:01:31
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I think you made a smart decision.
This guy has been torturing you inside.
There are good men out there.
Most of all...I hope you can love yourself after all of this.
He has ripped your self esteem to shreds.
No one deserves to be treated like you described....how you sound when you speak of him ...is this...
You sound as if you are lucky that he gave you the time of day...and he has made you sound desperate.
You are NOT...he only made you feel that way with emotional abuse.
I am so sorry for your pain. I may sound harsh, but the truth hurts sometimes. I am not trying to hurt you.
I truly want to see you walk with your head held high.
Seek for someone who lifts you up...not tears you down.
You are loveable.
It is just that.,.everyone does not love correctly and we get hurt.
I am so sorry. Stay strong.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-09-06 11:52:03
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I second that DifficultSoul!
Someone good, honest, kind and loving is out there waiting for you to cross His path. In time, you will look back and and ask yourself, "why was I even with that guy? Why did I waist my time."
Life is short. Your soul mate is out there waiting.
Kim
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-09-06 14:11:38
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I feel your pain sweetie... I have been there done that with my current husband... We were a lot younger though and didn't know how to have a healthy relationship... We have grown and learned from it now and we are happily married with kids... Its hard to know that the person you love so much doesnt love you the same... YOU MUST STAY STRONG and have faith in yourself... If you are serious about leaving then leave... The same thing happened to me and then we moved on... Then the tables really did turn on my husband and Karma came back to bite him in the ass.... If he loves you he will want you to come home.
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Posted by gabrielaperez87
on 2007-09-06 16:07:24
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Hey Hails,
How ya doing? Stay strong... it's hard but it's the start of a new life where you will be treated with respect and once you get used to it, it will flow into all areas of your life and reach all people you meet.
He hasn't called yet because you interrupted the flow of how he things should be and he knows how much you want to be with him, he's holding out to see you come crawling back without any input from him so he can be king again. When he see's you won't then he will call. My ex fiance was a bit of an egotistical creature like that. I knew the relationship wasn't healthy but I wanted him no matter what the cost, even sanity. What helped me way back then was letting myself hurt but not think about the things I loved him for, with every time allowed myself to think of something nice I had to think of something he did nasty and soon you realise just how much sh!t you put up with. I have a poem of when I was going through it, I will post it for you later today. Be strong... thinking of you.
:o)
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Posted by loveBITES
on 2007-09-06 17:26:02
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For you own sanity, you need to find something to occupy yourself. You have probably taken the biggest step you'll take for a long time. Be smart and don't go back. Don't sit around "waiting" for that call. If he does call and tell you he misses you........hang up. You need to start thinking about what you are worth to you. Someone on here suggested counseling. I don't agree. I think you'd do yourself a world of good to find a "Victims of Domestic Assault" support group (seriouly) and listen to what some of these people have gone through. If you go back, that is bound to be your future. Remember, domestic assault isn't only "physical", it's emotional and psychological, as well. You need to learn to love "you" before you go looking for someone else to love.
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Posted by Outspoken
on 2007-09-06 20:14:28
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Don't wait on that call and whatever you do, do not call him. This is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done, but it is almost impossible to gather your courage and do it the second time. Be strong...it will pay off.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2007-09-06 20:58:39
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Let start with Hurt. Is it your Hurt or his ?Pauligan, Is right Don;t wait.courage were is your . As a women did you read what you want from him The same thing any man can gave you that cares back for you ,that must be what you want is someone to give the same feeling you have in reture This is;t the guy .So lets think a little more of your self and start now .tell mom she can know you or sleeping at her house in her bed.Lets grow up and then we will talk .
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Posted by shellyme
on 2007-09-07 08:38:23
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I just came across your blog today, and have commented my fair share... you should tell you mom whats happening... she has lived and had her fair share of heart break... you might grow closer to her and find things out about yourself... plus it helps to talk to someone about it... when i went through something like this i didnt want to talk to my mom either, but when i did, i felt the best i had since before i left him.
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Posted by Officer_Sugar_Tits
on 2007-09-07 11:14:52
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