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| trying to let go |
Why is it so hard to let go of people in your life? Ok, to be honest, it's the people we care for that are hard to let go. He is hard to let go of. I don't know why, I don't know why. I don't know why. I know..I'm lost. I'm lost in a sea of what could have been, of what was before it all got screwed up. I miss the laughter and the fun. I miss the joking and the inuendos that would fly back and forth. Now he's cruel and I'm a shrew, I'm don't leave, I just exist in the middle of misery unable to make a move that would free me from this bad relationship. Why can I not demand my right to be treated with respect? Why do I accept over and over again the reality of my being verbally mistreated. Why do I keep giving and giving and accept only the tiniest in return. Do I chose this? I don't feel like I'm choing it. I don't feel like I've ever asked for this. There are no bonds keeping me here...so why can't I walk away? What do I think will change? I guess I need to focus on the future and keep my heart, my eyes, my mind looking forward. I've got to focus on the prize. I've got to let go of the hope...wait maybe that's what I can't let go of...the hope in my heart. The hope that one day he will realize I am the amazing person I know I am. I'm waiting and hoping that I'll be a priority that I'll be the one on a pedestal. I guess deep down I don't want to give up hope. But I have to, I have to face reality, some things will never be. I have to see myself moving forward, leaving the heartbreak behind. Conquering new obstacles and finding me, and allowing me not to hope for anyone else to find me worthy. I know I am worthy, I am special. Screw anyone who refuses to let me feel that way, who puts me down, who makes such an effort to belittle me, to treat me like an underling, like a servant. I hope I can let go, I've got to let go. I can't live without letting go. So...Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, I will keep saying it until I feel it, until I mean it. Goodbye.
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Posted by groffgal on 2009-11-07 09:21:45 | Rating: | Views: 9
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