My name is Charlie. Hi.

I've started this so I can get some journalistic practice in for the day when I produce, edit and write my own leading newspaper. I shall call it The Independian. The first ever issue will have a picture of Britney Speers tits with the caption 'CRACK WHORE SCANDAL', cleverly positioned to censor her nipples. The people of Great Britain will abandon the Sun and the Daily Mail in favour of Britney's druggy boobs, and when they flick eagerly to page 3 BAM they are hit in the face by the awesome power of intellectual creativity.

While most of my new readers will be initially disappointed by the lack of Princess Di conspiracy theories, cleverly concealed subversive messages will ensure that they are hooked, and their disaffection will translate into gossip about the unexpected originality of the new Independian, which will reach the ears of Guardian and Independent regulars across the country. Their inquisitive dispositions will in turn demand that they go out and buy my paper.

The Sun will go out of business, it's former readers transformed by the free-thinking articles of The Independian, I will be made Prime Minister, and Britain will be a better place.