| View Blog
|
| stepmother vs biological mother Part 1
|
|
|
Im short on time but wanted to start writing this while my thoughts about this are fresh. I will try to finish this later or in the next few days.
Im both a stepmother and a biological mother. And I think everyone who knows me would agree that Im a great mom but a horrible stepmother.
When I married J, he had a 3 year old son. He was supposed to have joint custody, but it was more like full custody since the boys mother wasnt very interested in having the child with her that much. I was really excited because one of the reasons I got married is because I wanted a family, especially kids. I was looking forward to caring for my new stepson and since he was little enough, I thought it would be fun to take him to the park, and playdates and Mcdonalds and all that stuff. I thought I had spent enough time around him, and since our time together was always pleasant, I thought things would be easy.
Wrong. Not just wrong, BIG F***** WRONG.
The first couple of times, I ignored the things that happened because I told myself that my stepson is still a baby and doesnt know what he's saying or doing. But after a few months, I started to think " aw man this kid is a brat".
It started when we were driving to colorado from texas right after we got married. Little Jr. kept pulling my hair the whole time. He would reach over from his car seat in the back of the car and yank on my hair. I repeatedly asked him to stop because it hurt but he would laugh and wouldnt stop. His father asked him to stop also, but the kid ignored him. It occured to me to give the kid a slap on the hand but I didnt say or do anything because HE WASNT MY KID. And since this kids dad didnt hit him, I thought I shouldnt even think that. I see now that this first thought I had (I cant smack him cause hes not my kid) was a bit of a foreshadowing of what was to come.
In the next few months, my stepson would: rip up my job applications and copies of my resumes, take bowls of food and dump them behind the entertainment center and tell me he had eaten, empty out entire bottles of shampoo and dish detergent, take my makeup and smash it up so it was useless, wipe his boogers with the curtains, and since he was toilet training, he would smear poop on the bathroom walls. I complained about this to my mom, and I remember she told me that he was a child and that some kids did stuff like that. I understood. I also understood when while I was bathing him, he told me to stop touching his peepee (I never touched him there) and when he pointed a finger at me and told me not to call him my baby because " You are not my Momma, I didnt come out of your stomach ". J said it was probably the kids mother who told him to say that. My feeling were hurt, but I tried to ignore it all.
The first time I lost my temper with this kid was when I thought he had been kidnapped. I had gone into the bathroom, and when I came out I started looking for him and couldnt find him anywhere. I walked through the apartment calling his name and he wouldnt answer. I went outside looking for him and got freaked out enough that I jumped into the car and drove around the block. I remember thinking that the kids mother must of sneaked into the apartment and took him. I was in tears when I called J at work and told him that I lost the kid. He told me to look in the laundry room closet all the way behind some blankets. So I did. And thats where I found him, laughing. I spanked him and he ran away from me screaming the whole time that he didnt like me and that he wanted his daddy. He ran into his room and slammed the door. He was almost 4 at the time.
I didnt go after him. I sat on our bed and thought to myself "well you know what, you may be a little kid and I may be a full grown woman BUT I DONT LIKE YOU EITHER"
Life went on. The kid would go to his moms on the weekend. I would send him fed and clean and he would come back filthy and starving. Often, he would come back with clothes that didnt belong to him and would lose his clothes on a regular basis. He wasnt the only kid that would be at his moms house on the weekend. His mom had a live in boyfriend, and the boyfriends kids would visit him on the weekends too. Since the kids were all the same age, their clothes would get mixed up. Eventually (and since nobody seemed to care) I stopped worrying about sending my stepson freshly bathed and fed to his moms on the weekends. It was one less thing for me to do.
(ok times up. Its 10am. Ive gotta go, but Ill be back with the rest) |
|
Posted by greencat on 2008-01-09 12:01:28 | Rating: | Views: 79
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Now that is a tough situation. A couple years ago my brothers two boys stayed with us for just a weekend and I got just a slight sense of what you deal with daily. God bless you.
|
|
Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-01-09 12:27:17
|
|
|
|
I feel for you....My sister in law has a son that she adopted that is very much like that.....She keeps praying for peace and that he will out
grows it....You are doing the best you can and I hope your husband stands behind you and disciples him and isn't mad at you when you do....God bless you and Keep trying.....
|
|
Posted by Hollis
on 2008-01-09 22:56:42
|
|
|
|
|
|
