Ok im not really ok with what i wrote in that last entry. I want instant happiness on a plate. 
I saw my friend today and it was awkward slightly like he didnt really want to know me and im scared if i dwell on this sort of thought - before long i will believe that i want to get with him that being with him will make it all better.  SO wrong omg!!! he is going to be my flatmate and i cant move from one person to the next, i am not that person.   AAaaahh i need to sort my anxiety and general oddness out before i even look at anyone else.  And i combated  the embarassment my being super happy, blase and preppy i feel like an idiot. I am an idiot aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i started counselling today though so positive steps forward an all. It was difficult to talk about anything so i told him id just been to the couselling centre and laughed and said i just must be messed up in the head becasue they said i could do with some counselling.  And he looked like get me away from this crazy woman!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im not crazy i dont even know why i said those things and now im just obsessing.
I have told no one about this blog so i can rant my randomness online in secret.