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fist entry, ill start by introducing myself...
so right now im a senior in high school, with about only a month or so to go. im nothing special...i get good grades and try to push myself at everything i do. i guess you could call me a perfectionist, even maybe a control freak. ha. im your pretty average senior...i cant wait to leave this high school and go away to college. a new atmosphere. see, ive been having a rough year. i think i might be depressed. i blame it on my obssesion with fodd and my body. i guess its safe to say i have an eating disorder.
i remember about two years ago, being in a restuarante in montauk with my best friend and her family. we were all staying at a beach house for a week. after we ate dinner i hated how full i felt and discusting. i went into the bathroom and just tried it. to see what would happen. why not? whats the worst that would happen if i do it this one time. whats the big deal. well, two years after that i continued to purge my food. not after every meal, but it was often. i never really considered myself bulimic bc i never lost weight and i didnt think i was really obsessed, which is true. the beginning of 2008, i began to really crack down. i hated my body and i knew purging wasnt enough. so i started to eat less and less. i got really obsessed with looking thinner and counting calories. at that time i was about 5'6 and 120. i was never called fat or anything. i just wasnt satisfied. then i started using laxatives and throwing up whenever i ate more thatn 500 cals at a time. now daily i eat..on a good day..between 500 and 800 cals. its a norm. my parents have me goign to a nutritionist and a theropist now. im down to aroudn 108 and i want to get to 100. people around me are fading away they dnt really want to deal with me anymore. half my friends i dnt hang out with anymore. my boyfriend left me. i feel so depressed all the time.
idk..maybe its me just complaining. but im really stuck. i want to get better so that i can go away to college wout my parents worrying. but i really dnt want to get fat. ill go insaine.
if anyone reads this and can relate or has any advise please dnt hesitate to email me. i need all teh advise and help i can get. thanks
and a note to anyone interested in purging thier food. i highly advise taht you dont get involved in this dead end obsession. it has ruined my senior year.
much love
vic
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Posted by gotblonde008 on 2008-04-29 21:05:31 | Rating: | Views: 33
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well first...welcome to thoughts. and second, I dont really have advice, maybe you should find someone professional help. not saying you're crazy, just maybe someone can help thats all
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-04-29 21:09:24
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