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| woke up next to...someone whose with someone else.
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my heart breaks.. because i am not her. Why is it that no one is taking me seriously, or my love seriously? Please someone take my heart and please take fucking care of it..
who is this guy and who the fuck does he think he is chasing after my pussy like a freshly cooked steak, or does he really want to love and care for me? If he really loved and wanted to take care of me then why isn't he working hard to make himself better for me instead of running around with some tramp that fucked his life up. Just wtf am i supposed to do with that? I need someone to take care of me, not use me. I don't know what to feel anymore when I am having sex, or a relationship. Im not perfect, but I do take care of myself. I will tell you, I am depressed about even the thought of getting my ass back out in the open to more escorting. I am so happy that ben takes care of me and somehow got me to stay in school. But now I am not able to take care of myself, school and ben (ben= older guy helping me with school, like 40 yrs older). One has got to go. Or maybe its because of my outside relationships. I think that maybe I could possibly ruin myself if I continue on with ben with out some other kind of relationship that seems more real on the side. But to be honest, I need no relationship. But I want love, who will really love me?
Im lost on where I am going in my career, I feel like there is no extra time to make it happen. I want to kill myself at the thought of me being anything in life. I feel like I am a joke to everyone. Because I feel I will never get there. Because there is this huge hold on my life. Financially Im fucked. And sleeping with all these men are fucking making me so fucked up in the head. When is too much too much and how can a broken girl like me find the courage to step away from her dreams just like that? Its my dream to finish school here but being molested all the time and pretending like I like it, is not really helping me, unfortunately.
Somebody please, sweep me off my feet. Someone please take me home, lay clean bed linens, put me in a warm bath, and tuck me into those perfectly clean white sheets. No sex anymore. Make me new again. I want to be new again.
Theres no where else i want to be.
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Posted by goodlovebadlove on 2008-03-22 15:49:41 | Rating: | Views: 151
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wow..it's a really tough situation you are in...i know someone else that has similar circumstances. my heart breaks for you, but at the same time, i'm inspired. you are doing what it takes to survive, girl. you have to experience those lows to enjoy the highs of life. one day you'll be successful and have the man of your dreams. you have to believe it.
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Posted by thurst930
on 2008-03-22 23:35:21
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good on you for continuing with life
the one you are living will help you in the future, especially if you finish school
then you can kiss escorting and this life goodbye
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Posted by roxietheroxie
on 2008-03-23 07:59:18
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Sometimes we must take a step back before we can go forward. Keep up the hard work...only the strong survive.
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Posted by Nutshell
on 2008-03-23 19:40:31
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school is whats important. dont ever give that up. push urself to finish.
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Posted by ineed_peace
on 2008-03-24 14:25:44
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