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I am staring at the mess of my destruction from the past week in my living room. Some how my school was paid for, My dui was paid for, I saw my boyfriend one last time before New Years, and I had a foursome (not with the bf, i wish). The demands of my new sugardaddy are starting to haunt me. After we went out and he bought me a new xbox 360, a 357 magnum, a gun club membership, a 52 inch lcd, 10,000 on clothes, 8,000 to my school, an iphone, and a bunch of his old girlfriends clothes. And he is willing to shell out 2000 dollars tomorrow for my other tickets at the dmv. Its to much all at once. He wants me to come stay at his beach house when my roommate moves out in june. I am scared hes going to try to control me. He is paying for so much for me now. He would give me anything. Only thing is... he is like in his late 60s, I am in my early twenties. He has an array of women, but I am his favorite. I am the only one off of drugs, with a big ass. I am scared, for this next year. It has to go better than the last. SO many horrible things happened. When Chris died on me, I was in denial of my life completely. I cant let myself screw up on school now that I have this opportunity to go back. Its just hard to balance being a hooker and a student. Two entirely different people. I have no choice though... this is who I am. This has now become a lifestyle. I need help, I know it. But where do you put your heart when you are so unwillingly eager to do it? I can only hope I can straighten myself out enough to do school as well. I miss my home, I miss my mom, I wish I had some one to truly love me right now... I dont know if my boyfriend does still right now.. i think he sees my sadness through my eyes.. ugh, enough pot tonight, im going to bed. |
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Posted by goodlovebadlove on 2007-12-18 03:42:58 | Rating: | Views: 156
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i've always wondered about those sugar daddy websites...i guess it all does come with a price though. i don't want you to get trapped or feel like you're trapped...how easy would it be to get out of the arrangement that you've made with this man?
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Posted by coffeeloverr
on 2007-12-18 12:22:56
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Well, he still doesnt know where I live I could def get out of it. But who is going to pay for school? And isnt so easy just to sleep with him instead of hooking to so many people to get what he provides.. Im leaving to his house after I clean up my apt. He wants me to stay the night... hope fully I will be back soon. One of the tweeker girls living in his 8 bedroom beachhouse (since like last fri) was supposed to go get him ghb. Its making me nervous cuz I dont do drugs like that. I think they drugged me last time for kicks. I need his help today tho.. im going.. Ill write what crazy events happen this time. There was no way to explain last week in this paragraph, I still have so much to say...
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Posted by goodlovebadlove
on 2007-12-18 13:56:37
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well, i read all of your blogs... don't be so hard on yourself... thank fucking god you are not sleeping in a fucking box in a park drinking listerine.... things could be worse... don't let this man push you into moving into his place, though.. you will lose any freedom you have.. its a tight situation but you need to keep your distance. make excuses.. you can keep the ball rolling, just keep it rolling on your terms, even if they think it is on there terms. love and hugs.... xoxoxoxox
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Posted by Zamicida
on 2007-12-18 14:51:40
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