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it was in my old blog... thought i should..

Try to save it in this one.. Since I deleted my myspace and had to save what he wrote..I didnt want to ever lose this.. it means far too much to me..
He wrote it to me before he died. About 6 months.
I went to go see him one last time... but i could never make it back to the funeral. I was too broke and.. too broken hearted. I really hate that I have had to many death to deal with this one too.. but life goes on.

"So did I do something to offend you or run you off. I haven't heard from you in a while...I miss hearing from you. I was really hoping to see you while I was out in Vegas. If something came up I understand...don't worry I won't be upset at all if something just came up and you couldn't make it...it was just kinda rough that you never called or let me know what was going on. I guess gimme a call when your schedule allows for it...my number hasn't changed and I know that the Deftones "Saturday Night Writst Tour" should be starting up soon...you should try and come to Fort Worth to see it with me. All the other jokes in the past aside (like the making out thing or whatever) I kinda feel a big hole where my friend is supposed to be.

One of the reasons I wanted to see you while I was in Vegas was to give you a gift...a message from my heart to yours. So often in movies and even in real life you see or hear about people who get letters from loved ones that tell them how they truly felt about them. To me this didn't make sense...it almost seemed like a copout because you know once you're dead whose going to argue with you or ask you why, or even just a simple what did you mean by that...just being able to say thank you to that person for the words that they have spoken. While I was in Vegas I was able to share the note that I had written for Mikee with Mikee while I was there and I had your's written in hopes that we would have a few momnts alone for me to share what I had written for you. Myspace is th last way that I would have desired to give you this gift but because I live every day as though it could be my last and I know that I couldn't read it to you over the phone and get through it without crying for about an hour or more (damn being a virgo not to mention a male that's actually not afraid of his own emotions) I am going to go ahead and do this here and now.

"KeKe"
(The Goddess)

The first time I saw you I thought you were beautiful

As I got to know you and meet the inner you I knew you were beautiful

There is something that is just simply infectious about you

I can feel terrible, at my veritable weakest, and have you smile at me, and suddenly I could run a whole marathon

There are going to be people who are going to want to own your beauty

I hope for the sake of the world that you fight them all away and stay strong and proud and happy before the world

Because a world without you, would just seem dull (you know that recipe that's always "missing something")

In the time I've known you, you have taught me how to simply look at the world and smile. No reason necessary, just a smile for the world

If I could give you anything...it would be arms long enough to hug EVERYONE with. Because your hugs are the best-est hugs, they always linger with you...and kinda makes you want one more (you know that one more and then I'm done, all right...just ONE more and I'm done...this is it, LAST one and I'm through).

You have been a blessing that I feel I found all too late in life. But better late than never. I wish that I had known you more and that I had known you better...but wishes get you no where. What does get you somewhere is appreciation. Where most people would have met a person in my situation when you did and either been disgusted or painfully cruel about it...you accepted me for who I was not the handicap I had...and you can't begin to understand what that means to me...people I grew up with people I literall knew from age 3-18 couldn't even pull off something like that...which is something that you should be tremendously proud of.

You are a good person. There is not one thing about you I honestly would change...you are beyond beautiful both inside and out. If I had a chance to make a few requests of God before I leave this mortal coil someday...one would be that some day you find a man that realizes all of the things that I see in you and more and that the two of you live happily...because a person such as yourself who is so constantly making others lives happier and better deserves to have an amazingly happy and fulfilling life.

I'm gonna stop now because I can barely see the screen through all of the tears...I'm sorry that I had to tell you all of those things on something as retarded as Myspace...but considering the situation...I thought it prudent to make sure that you knew how I felt about you as a human being, as a woman, and as a friend before I pass away. Because I want you to be able to ask questions and wanted to be able to tell you before I'm gone because I see that as a copout.

Unfortunately I still have to write one of these for all of my friends in Fort Worth and my friend Maheen in Austin...Maheen will be hard because she was the first girl I ever asked out and has been one of my only close female friends until I got to college and actually started hanging out with guys.

If there is something about this that you want to ask about or talk about feel free that is why I'm giving this to you now...if you don't want to say anything then that is entirely cool too. One of the thing though that I am trying get started, that unfortunately I was not prepared for with Mikee was giving the message in an envelope with a blank piece of paper with my name at the top of it so if you feel the urge to write one back to me you can...the options are up to you...don't feel pressured to do anything about it...my only concern right now is hearing back from my friend...it seems like you disappeared and I want you back.

Love,
Chris
(Peggy, you know you're like the only person I'll let call me that without giving them a dirty look)"

I miss you making my life sane Chris and Im sorry I messed up so bad. I wish I could tell you so bad how I wished so long ago it could have worked.. I want to go where you are someday. I love you.

Posted by goodlovebadlove on 2008-06-03 18:55:06 | Rating: