March 26 2008

Imagine the headquarters of the International Olympic Committee in Lausanne, Switzerland where  IOC Chairman Hans Korrupt is having an urgent meeting with PR guru Chuck Sleezy.

Hans:  I am very worried, Chuck. There is so much outrage about what China is doing in Tibet that some countries are talking about boycotting the Games in Beijing.

Chuck:  That's just crazy Commie talk. The Olympics are sacred.  When else can you take billions of dollars that are needed for schools and hospitals and blow the cash on a two week circus?  The Games have to go on.

Hans: Of course you are right. The media and the souvenir makers are poised to make billions. Besides, we cannot afford to anger the Chinese. We owe them so much money from loans and trade deficits that they practically own us.

Chuck: This isn't the first time the Games have hit a few potholes in the road.

Hans:  What do you mean?

Chuck: Well, the Olympics are supposed to promote world peace, but the 1912 Games didn't prevent World War One from happening two years later. Nobody noticed that.  In 1936, the IOC was happy to cozy up to Hitler.  The same construction workers who built the stadium at Nuremberg went on to erect the Nazi death camps. Nobody cared.  In 1972, Black September murdered the entire Israeli team. The Games went on. It's all entertainment, Man.

Hans: Maybe this time is different.

Chuck: You just need a good PR program. The Games are supposed to promote peace, right?  We can use a shot of a sunny cemetery with a voiceover that says,"Nothing is as peaceful as a dead dissident."

Hans: Uh, no...

Chuck: Okay, let's humanize the Chinese Army.  We'll have smiling soldiers talking about how they'd rather be home with their families, but the uprising has them working long hours, shooting monks and clubbing nuns.

Hans:  Better, but...

Chuck: I've got it. We show a little Tibetan girl in traditional costume. She has tears streaming down her face as she asks, "Are they going to take away my Olympics, Daddy?"

Hans: I like that one.

Chuck:  Sure. Tell the Chinese that we only need the girl to shoot the commercial.  After that, they can machine gun the little rat for all I care.

Hans:  I feel better now, Chuck.  Tell me, how do you get all of these great ideas?

Chuck:  It's like I always say, Hans.  Never forget the compassionate human angle.

***********

George

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