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Scrubbing Up The Soaps

January 12 2008

If you watch any daytime TV at all, you'll soon realize that the most popular shows on the air are the serials or, as they are affectionately known, "the soaps". These programs provide the same sexual fantasy for women what porn does for men. Even though I'm a guy, I enjoy some things about the soaps. The clothes aren't bad, for example.

My favorite soap opera is One Life To Waste which tells the story of how the men and women who live in the town of Miseryville cope every day with the horrors of being young, rich and beautiful. Here's an excerpt from a typical episode:

It is afternoon in Miseryville and Sharon has gone over to Ashley's house for some coffee and conversation. As the scene opens, the two women are sitting in Ashley's living room.

Sharon: So, how are you doing, Ashley?

Ashley: Not good. I'm very worried about my daughter Dee.

Sharon: You mean Frank's daughter?

Ashley: No, I divorced Frank before Dee was born. I had Dee while I was divorcing Tom. That was when I was having the affair with David, but I really think I got pregnant the night I slept with Harry. I couldn't be sure because of that weekend I spent at the motel with the three Chinese sailors. Anyway, I'm really concerned about Dee.

Sharon: Why?

Ashley: She's been sleeping around with boys. I'm afraid she might turn into a slut.

Sharon: Young girls these days have no morals. They don't even marry the boys they have sex with. I mean, how do they expect to get alimony? Anyway, I wish I had your problem. I'm worried sick about my son Jason. He's always neat and polite. He isn't interested in sports or girls. I think he might be... Oh, I can't even say it.

Ashley: You think he might be gay?

Sharon: No, Silly. I think he might be a liberal. I found some magazines in his room. It was the most perverted filth about universal health care and things like that. Oh, Ashley! I'm afraid he might even belong to an environmental group.

Ashley: Wow! Better get him into therapy right away. I'd recommend that cute Dr. Green. He's terrific in bed. Why does life have to be so awful anyway? Take my sister Laura. She's in a wheelchair now and breathing through a ventilator after that botched surgery she had. It was while she was doing chemo for the cancer they discovered while she was in hospital with her broken back. Yesterday, she looked up at me and smiled. She told me that, despite everything, she was finally happy.

Sharon: What did you say?

Ashley: I just disconnected her ventillator. Who does she think she is anyway?

*********************

Well, maybe I'll just watch the news from now on.

George

P.S. For free fiction, visit my website at: www.checkmatefiction.com