March 1^st 2009

I was at my computer, working on my latest novel, when my wife came into the room. She was carrying a cordless phone.

“Somone from The Beacon wants to talk to you,” she said.

The Beacon is one of those neighborhood newspapers that's about three pages thick and arrives on your front porch wrapped in five pounds of advertising flyers.

“Hello,” I said into the phone.

“Mr. Condon? This is Fred Kelp of The Beacon. I write their book reviews and I want to interview you about your mystery novel Spilled Blood.”

I happen to agree with P.T. Barnum's statement that there is no bad publicity, just as long as they spell your name right.

“Sure,” I said. “What would you like to know?”

“Not over the phone. Come over to my office, tomorrow at two o'clock.”

I had my first misgivings when Kelp's “office” turned out to be the kitchen of his basement apartment, but I told myself I was dealing with The Beacon and not with The New York Times.

“First question,” Kelp said. “What do you think should be done about pornography?”

“What does that have to do with my book?” I asked.

“Ducking the question, eh?”

“No. Some people like porn and others hate it. I leave it to individual choice.”

“Hmmm! What about drugs?”

“I don't use them,” I said, “but other people have the right to decide what to put into their bodies.”

Kelp nodded.

“What about terrorism?” he asked.

“It's definitely bad. Are we going to talk about my book or not?”

“Sure. What's it about?”

“You haven't read it?” I asked.

“Of course not. I don't have time to read every crappy book that get's published.”

“Have a nice day, Mr. Kelp,” I said as I headed for the door.

A few days later, my wife brought me the latest edition of The Beacon.

“Kelp did that article about you,” she said.

“Will I like it?” I asked.

“I don't hink so. The headline is Drug Crazed Porn Writer Supports Terrorists.”

I read the item quickly, and then I handed the newspaper back to my wife.

“You missed the worst part,” I said. “He spelled my name wrong.”

George

P.S. Please visit my website at www.checkmatefiction.com for some free short stories.