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| Advice For Movie Villains |
July 22, 2009
Over the years, I've seen many movies and one thing has always been obvious to me. Movie villains have a terrible time. If they don't die horribly by the end of the film, then the best they can anticipate is to be sent to prison. I realize that the movie heavies themselves are largely responsible for this because they make the same stupid mistakes over and over. Still, these guys have such rotten lives that I can't help feeling compassion for them, even though they are evil. Consequently, I've drafted a short list of helpful hints for screen villains that might save them from their usual dismal fates.
1.Don't hire thugs who have IQ scores smaller than their shoe sizes. If an applicant drools and signs his name with an “X”, then you'd better look for somebody else.
2.Force your henchmen to do target practice weekly. Perhaps then, they won't fire 300 rounds at the hero without even nicking him.
3.If you do capture the hero and you want to kill him, then just do it. Don't tie him to an elaborate bomb that requires the next solar eclipse to detonate it.
4.Work on your social skills. Killing the waiter just because your soup is cold won't win you any friends. Be gracious and forgiving. You can have him killed later.
5.On the other hand, if the hero sneers that you don't dare to kill him, then show him immediately how wrong he is.
6.Scale down your ambitions. Forget about ruling the world or running the crime syndicate. How about just being head of the local Neighbourhood Watch?
7.The best plan might be to forget about being the villain altogether. Why not be the hero's funny sidekick instead. Not very glamourous, but you're much less likely to be shot or dropped into molten lava at the end of the movie.
What about you? Any advice for movie villains?
George
P.S. Please visit my website at www.checkmatefiction.com for some free short stories.
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Posted by gjcondon on 2009-07-22 17:22:39 | Rating: | Views: 86
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