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I am relatively new to Thoughts.com and I have to say I am enjoying myself. I am reserved verbally, but Jeeze, if you could hear what goes on in my head!!! That's why i started blogging. I couldn't take it anymore. My head was just jammed full of thoughts. At times, I didn't think I could fit any more thoughts in my head because I was completely filled up!!!
I grew up in a family of judgement. I remember not being able to do anything without being criticized. I guess they thought it was funny! Really! They thought it was funny. They would laugh at anything - they were having a good time making fun of each other and me. But, it really affected me. Alot. A whole Lot!!! I hate teasing. I just can't take it. Now, don't get me wrong....I can make fun of myself. I just don't like being made fun of by someone else. And because i was teased so much, I never spoke my thoughts for fear of being criticized. I just can't let anyone know my opinions - because I don't want to be judged. Terrible and sad. I am, now, a mute.
[ I hate, loath, detest, condem, teasing. If someone in my family teases any of my kids, it pisses me off. - And then I have to 'tastefully' tell them that she (my daughter) is very sensitive to teasing or ridicule, so please don't do that. But it's almost a way of life for my family. In reality, I am the one that is so very sensitive to any teasing - whether it is directed at me or anyone else. I feel their pain, embarressment, and sadness. I can basically read their faces in an instant. ]
Stupid things I was teased about that made me self conscience to this day:
My aunt told me as a kid not to whistle because my lips looked stupid when I did that. - To this day, I don't whistle!
My family thought my feet were too big. - For years I wore a smaller size than what i needed, to keep from being embarressed.
My family wondered out loud why my teeth were not white -but, yellowish. Since a child, I smiled with my lips closed.
I wasn't as smart as my sister (my parents) so I never applied myself until I was in my 20's.
Your hair isn't perfect, your personality is flawed, your friends aren't intellects, your voice is not melodic, you can't see far enough.
I feel that due to all the criticism, I have molded myself into a near perfect person. - Hiding all my flaws from everyone around me. Sometimes I even wonder if my husband knows who the real me is. I like to think he knows most of me, and I have learned as an adult that you can't harbor these judgements. I have grown up on my own. I have grown up with alot of family around me, yet all alone - in silence.
But that is what this post is all about.......the truth. I find it very sad that I can spill it all to anyone that will read my post. It is the reader that really knows me. The reader knows my deepest feelings that i spill, and my thoughts, concerns, and even my stupidness if I care to write it down. But, none of my family or friends know any of these thoughts and feelings - yet they claim to know me. Even my husband can learn a few things from my blogs.....but the sad bloggin' truth is that I blog in secrecy.
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Posted by girlzone on 2008-04-29 00:22:21 | Rating: | Views: 124
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perfection isn't in the hiding, but in embracing the flaws. You are perfect because noone else is you. I am pefect because my flaws set me apart, they make me the man I am, and noone else can be me. How perfect is perfect, if its all the same thing? Be perfectly you
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-04-29 00:29:23
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Embrace being you, no reason to hide:)
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-04-30 00:18:46
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