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I'm so confused..I dont know whether to keep on fighting or just back off. I like him, but I don't know if I like him enough to give him my all. I've done that way too many time, and each time I only end up laying in my own puddle of tears.
Sometimes I even wonder, do I like him or do I like the idea of him?
I can't have a definite plan because my feelings change constantly. In the morning, when head is clear, I can see why he's not worth my valuable time. I can see clearly that I deserve better, I need to be with someone who really like me and appreciate me.
But as the days go on, and I think about it more and more, I get in the mode of "Carpe Diem": seize the moment. you only live once, do whatever it takes to get what you want, fight til the very end.
I dont know whether to follow my morning thoughts since they say you do think better in the morning because that's when your mind is clear and is not polluted. or should I follow my night thoughts since I have the whole day to think and able to be come up more rational decisions.
I'm scared to put my hearts out there just for it to get broken again, but I'm also scared that I might let a good thing pass by. I don't want my bad past experiences rule my life forever and prevent me to look for happiness.
Sometimes, I just want to give it up because I tell myself this is too complicated, this is too much stress at the beginning of a relationship. I should let it go now before it gets too deep. I feel like I am in a very safe zone at this moment but if I go any further, I will just risk breaking my own heart.
GOSH...do I even see a future with him? having a relationship with him seems so far away, too far. I don't want to waste my time on something that is just gonna turn into shit.
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Posted by girlytiff on 2008-06-12 21:00:19 | Rating: | Views: 30
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